[3.11] Refactor FlowControlDataQueue to improve performances

[bdraco]

backport verification to make sure it works before attempting backport

[codspeed-hq]

CodSpeed Performance Report

Merging #9664 will improve performances by 11.97%

_{Comparing flow_311_attempt_2 (9317a36) with 3.11 (8f6d7b5)}

Summary

⚡ 2 improvements
✅ 11 untouched benchmarks

Benchmarks breakdown

	Benchmark	3.11	flow_311_attempt_2	Change
⚡	test_one_thousand_round_trip_websocket_binary_messages[pyloop]	20.5 ms	18.3 ms	+11.51%
⚡	test_one_thousand_round_trip_websocket_text_messages[pyloop]	21 ms	18.8 ms	+11.97%

[codecov]

Codecov Report

All modified and coverable lines are covered by tests ✅

Project coverage is 97.89%. Comparing base (8f6d7b5) to head (9317a36).

✅ All tests successful. No failed tests found.

Additional details and impacted files

@@           Coverage Diff           @@
##             3.11    #9664   +/-   ##
=======================================
  Coverage   97.89%   97.89%           
=======================================
  Files         117      117           
  Lines       35550    35559    +9     
  Branches     4261     4264    +3     
=======================================
+ Hits        34802    34811    +9     
  Misses        559      559           
  Partials      189      189           

Flag	Coverage Δ
CI-GHA	97.78% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
OS-Linux	97.47% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
OS-Windows	94.37% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
OS-macOS	96.68% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
Py-3.10.11	96.53% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
Py-3.10.15	96.97% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
Py-3.11.10	97.04% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
Py-3.11.9	96.62% <100.00%> (-0.01%)	⬇️
Py-3.12.7	97.51% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
Py-3.13.0	97.49% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
Py-3.9.13	96.46% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
Py-3.9.20	96.89% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
Py-pypy7.3.16	96.49% <100.00%> (-0.01%)	⬇️
VM-macos	96.68% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
VM-ubuntu	97.47% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️
VM-windows	94.37% <100.00%> (+<0.01%)	⬆️

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[bdraco]

this was for testing only. backport is #9665