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#!/usr/bin/env ruby | ||
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def prompt() | ||
print "> " | ||
end | ||
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def death() | ||
quips = ["You died. You suck at this.", | ||
"Nice job, you died... jackass.", | ||
"You're such a looooser.", | ||
"I have a small puppy who's better at this."] | ||
puts quips[rand(quips.length())] | ||
Process.exit(1) | ||
# Process.exit is really cool | ||
# Without arguments it returns 0, success | ||
# With the argument above it returns 1 | ||
# This allows you to write a script which can exit with the error code you specify | ||
# If this Process.exit(1) executes in this script, then this script will exit with error code 1 | ||
# Then in bash if you echo $? you'll see this script did exit with error code 1 | ||
end | ||
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def central_corridor() | ||
puts "The Gothons of Planet Percal #25 have invaded your ship and destroyed" | ||
puts "your entire crew. You are the last surviving member and your last" | ||
puts "mission is to get the neutron destruct bomb from the Weapons Armory," | ||
puts "put it in the bridge, and blow the ship up after getting into an " | ||
puts "escape pod." | ||
puts "\n" | ||
puts "You're running down the central corridor to the Weapons Armory when" | ||
puts "a Gothan jumps out, red scaly skin, dark grimy teeth, and evil clown costume" | ||
puts "flowing around his hate filled body. He's blocking the door to the" | ||
puts "Armory and about to pull a weapon to blast you." | ||
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prompt() | ||
action = gets.chomp() | ||
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if action == "shoot!" | ||
puts "Quick on the draw you yank out your blaster and fire it at the Gothon." | ||
puts "His clown costume is flowing and moving around his body, which throws" | ||
puts "off your aim. Your laser hits his costume but misses him entirely. This" | ||
puts "completely ruins his brand new costume his mother bought him, which" | ||
puts "makes him fly into an insane rage and blast you repeatedly in the face until" | ||
puts "you are dead. Then he eats you." | ||
return :death | ||
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elsif action == "dodge!" | ||
puts "Like a world class boxer you dodge, weave, slip, and slide right" | ||
puts "as the Gothon's blaster cranks a laser past your head." | ||
puts "In the middle of your artful dodge your foot slips and you" | ||
puts "bang your head on the metal wall and pass out." | ||
puts "You wake up shortly after only to die as the Gothon stomps on" | ||
puts "your head and eats you." | ||
return :death | ||
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elsif action == "tell a joke" | ||
puts "Lucky for you they made you learn Gothon insults in the academy." | ||
puts "You tell the one Gothon joke you know:" | ||
puts "Lbhe zbgure vf fb sng, jura fur fvgf nebhaq gur ubhfr, fur fvgf nebhaq gur ubhfr" | ||
puts "The Gothon stops, tries not to laugh, then busts out laughing and can't move." | ||
puts "While he's laughing you run up and shoot him square in the head" | ||
puts "putting him down, then jump through the Weapon Armory door." | ||
return :laser_weapon_armory | ||
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else | ||
puts "DOES NOT COMPUTE!" | ||
return :central_corridor | ||
end | ||
end | ||
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def laser_weapon_armory() | ||
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