Copy edits #4
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Minor copy edits. Simplification, sentence structure.
Copy edits. As per TOV doc., I've shifted a lot of passive voice into active. This should make the copy feel lighter, more personable, and more direct. You'll find a fair few contractions where relevant, some formatting changes for legibility, and general simplification throughout.
Minor edits.
Minor edits
Minor edits. Passive voice. Note on simplification: I've seen a fair bit of "prepositionalisation" — i.e. "the current and upcoming development focus [for the platform]". Moving forward, I'll shift this to standard possessive ("the platform's current and upcoming development focus") as a matter of course, as it noticeably improves readability.
I've moved away from "distributed computing paradigm" in favour of explaining what that is on Line 11. Line 29: "the connectivity of devices in multifarious network settings" — I've leaned into "to connect easily" as opposed to "connectivity", as it's more active and less abstract. I'll probably think this way when I come across similar instances. I've also chosen to rework "multifarious network settings", and explain what's meant by that within the copy itself. Line 49: "you can reduce north-south transport, effectively converting it to east-west transport between devices and end users within your own estate" — could someone clarify what's meant by this for me?
Minor edits
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Minor edits
Note: I'm noticing lots of "present continuous" — e.g. "giving you one clean interface". Generally, I'll revise away from this as it can feel passive and intangible. Otherwise, minor edits.
A fair few structural simplifiers. I think we need an ELI5 on "reed-Solomon erasure coding"
I have displaced the mention of redundancy to line 31, along with an explanation of what that means. Question: Reed-Solomon erasure coding — does this differ from Reed-Solomon error correction?
We talk about usage in terms of "Individuals can do X"; I propose shifting to "You can do X". It's more inclusive, less hypothetical, and generally feels a bit friendlier. "Purchases made in $EDGE are automatically bridged in to Edge Network and swapped for $XE." This got individual mention within the Service Purchase section, although it simply repeated what was said above. I've removed to avoid repetition. Moderate switching of passive to active. A fair amount of simplification
Minor edits
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Minor edits
Edit: clarity (19)
Moderate changes of passive to active voice.
josephdenne
approved these changes
Jan 25, 2022
Typos and minor edits
Minor edits
Perform different functions --> Do different things Other minor edits/typos Formatting
Minor edits; simplicity
Minor edits; mainly passive --> active
Minor edits, typos.
Minor edits
Edits: simplicity
Edits, passive-->active, simplicity
Minor edit
Minor edits
Minor edits
Minor simplifications
Minor edits; typos, casing
Minor edits
Edits: voice, typos, simplification, casing
Minor edits
Very minor edits, typo
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Minor edits
adamkdean
pushed a commit
that referenced
this pull request
Oct 11, 2022
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Work in progress copy edits