release-23.1: rpc: Fix blackhole recv

[blathers-crl]

Backport 1/1 commits from #99840 on behalf of @andrewbaptist.

/cc @cockroachdb/release

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Fixes: #99104
Informs #84289

As part of the previous fix for partition handling, we tracked the state of a previous attempt and use that result on the next attempt. However if there were multiple connections, we may only block system traffic connections and not default class connections. This change addresses that by ensuring a failed dialback attempt is remembered until we are able to successfully connect back to the pinging node.

Epic: none
Release note: None

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Release justification: This correctly fixes the asymmetric partition case and is required to complete that work.

[blathers-crl]

Thanks for opening a backport.

Please check the backport criteria before merging:

• Patches should only be created for serious issues or test-only changes.
• Patches should not break backwards-compatibility.
• Patches should change as little code as possible.
• Patches should not change on-disk formats or node communication protocols.
• Patches should not add new functionality.
• Patches must not add, edit, or otherwise modify cluster versions; or add version gates.

If some of the basic criteria cannot be satisfied, ensure that the exceptional criteria are satisfied within.

• There is a high priority need for the functionality that cannot wait until the next release and is difficult to address in another way.
• The new functionality is additive-only and only runs for clusters which have specifically “opted in” to it (e.g. by a cluster setting).
• New code is protected by a conditional check that is trivial to verify and ensures that it only runs for opt-in clusters.
• The PM and TL on the team that owns the changed code have signed off that the change obeys the above rules.

Add a brief release justification to the body of your PR to justify this backport.

Some other things to consider:

• What did we do to ensure that a user that doesn’t know & care about this backport, has no idea that it happened?
• Will this work in a cluster of mixed patch versions? Did we test that?
• If a user upgrades a patch version, uses this feature, and then downgrades, what happens?

[blathers-crl]

It looks like your PR touches production code but doesn't add or edit any test code. Did you consider adding tests to your PR?

_{🦉 Hoot! I am a Blathers, a bot for CockroachDB. My owner is dev-inf.}

[cockroach-teamcity]

This change is 

[ajwerner]

Don't merge this without fixing #100275

[andrewbaptist]

I updated it to include the changes from #100275 so it will be a single commit. I'm going to let this sit until Monday just to make sure nothing else comes out.