cli: the --drain-wait arg for the drain command should check the server.shutdown.*_wait cluster settings

[rafiss]

Is your feature request related to a problem? Please describe.

We have this guidance in our docs right now. https://www.cockroachlabs.com/docs/stable/node-shutdown.html#drain-timeout

--drain-wait sets the timeout for all draining phases and is not related to the server.shutdown.drain_wait cluster setting, which configures the "unready phase" of draining. The value of --drain-wait should be greater than the sum of server.shutdown.drain_wait, server.shutdown.connection_wait, server.shutdown.query_wait times two, and server.shutdown.lease_transfer_wait.

This is pretty easy for anyone to miss. The impact of not setting --drain-wait high enough is that the drain command will be cancelled, and node shutdown will proceed non-gracefully.

Describe the solution you'd like

The code that uses the --drain-wait argument should first check the values of server.shutdown.drain_wait, server.shutdown.connection_wait, server.shutdown.query_wait, and server.shutdown.lease_transfer_wait, and if needed, increase the value of --drain-wait to be larger than our recommendation.

Describe alternatives you've considered

Instead of automatically computing --drain-wait, we could fail loudly and tell the user to explicitly set drain-wait to an appropriate value.

Jira issue: CRDB-25243