"Do you know for sure if he is available? Why I am asking again and again is because I am the one who introduced him to my friend, and I don't want to be responsible for breaking her heart." Surabhi's voice woke her up from her reverie.
She was trying hard to finish her morning routines quickly so that she could leave with her friend to office. Surabhi travelled some 40 minutes on a two-wheeler to their office, and was gracious enough to take a detour everyday to pick her up so that they could cover the last 10 mins in gossip and laughter. This was a very convenient arrangement for her, but she would feel guilty at times when she missed her alarm and slept late. Today her friend seemed determined to wait for her to get ready since she had many questions.
She was very confused as to how to think about the whole thing. Surabhi's friend Deepa was an MBA student in IIM and Surabhi had forwarded one of Deepa's forwards to him. He had sent a cheeky reply and Deepa had a response to that. Eventually, Surabhi refused to play the middle-man and introduced them to each other and afterwards they started chatting directly and quickly became friends. She knew (he had told her) that Deepa was from the same region, same religion and same caste as him. Now Surabhi was telling her that Deepa was afraid that she was starting to like him a lot and wanted to meet him in person when she came to Bangalore. So she wanted to make sure that he was not committed.
The whole thing seemed artificial and set up to her. Deepa had only been chatting with him for a week, maximum. How do you "dangerously" like someone within that time? She wondered if Surabhi was trying to probe if something was amiss between him and her. Should she tell her? Tell her what? That he had come close to proposing to her and that she had said NO even before that? In that case, was it even her secret to share? At the same time, what if Surabhi was telling the truth about Deepa? She could already see how heart broken he was these days, and she definitely did not want another person to go through the same thing.
Was he available? Technically he was, right? Did one sided commitment count as 'available'? Then she thought about how lucky that girl was that she was conveniently 'compatible' with him. Maybe it was possible that things could work out between them, maybe he would be happy again. Should she root for that?
"Why are you so quiet? Is there something between you two? " Surabhi was adamant. "Oh not that, but he did tell me about someone he was interested in. Apparently she was not. Since this was a personal matter, I was not sure how to keep people's heart in tact without broadcasting other people's personal stories.I am sure he is not in a committed relationship. Rest is up to your friend. Not sure if you should 'warn' her or not".
They reached the office and the day went by, she having forgotten the incident. By evening, around tea time he came to her cubicle and told her
"You know, I think Surabhi knows about us!.. I mean, my feelings for you."
She panicked -
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, Deepa was pressing me about the issue."
"What did Deepa say?"
"It's embarassing and boring to talk about all that. I will send you the chat records"
"Wait, isn't it personal between you two?"
"What??" He rolled his eyes, went to his cubicle and sent her the chat records.
When she saw the conversation, she felt a little irritated with Deepa. She had clearly asked Surabhi to be discrete and not hurt his feelings. Deepa was definitely not beating around the bush! She was hinting this and that and trying to ask him if he had a girl friend. He was evading the question. Finally Deepa got fed up and told him that Surabhi had told her that he was considering a girl. Maybe that was the part that surprised him as to how Surabhi knew. Anyway, he suddenly got very conversational and started talking about how much he loved a girl, but how she was so heartless and would not even consider him.
That was when Deepa asked the question that was pertinent to her. "If someone really likes you, would you choose the girl who does not care about you or the one who cares about you?"
He had the perfect answer - "Oh, you haven't loved at all! (lol) In love, you do not 'choose', you just love!!"
There was a long silence after that.. Especially, in her mind.
Later, Deepa would have known about her since she immediately received a friend request from her. She found her an honest, friendly girl. Surabhi would tell her how Deepa would try to find out if she was very beautiful. Later, when Deepa came down to meet all of them, she remembered feeling very nervous since she was afraid that she was being evaluated for whether she was beautiful or not.
She found it ironical even at that time. Women say indignantly that they should not be judged by their external appearance, but in her experience women were the first to always judge each other that way. For many of her friends, it was usually the would be mother-in-law who would ask her son - "She is not even beautiful. Why do you want to marry her?"..
She hoped that their sons had the same answer - "Oh, you haven't loved at all! In love, you do not 'choose', you just love!!"
~Her
© 2019 Shenuja Subhash