2nd March 2002
Life in bangalore was bearable and even enjoyable after she moved in with the senior girls. There was some company on weekends, and she was totally out of the homesickness she used to feel in the initial days. Since it was a Saturday, she decided to get a haircut in the Lakme salon she had seen near their office. She went there and booked a slot. When the girl asked her about the cut, told her to do it in whatever style she chose (in other words, surprise her!). The parlor girl said something about two layers in the back, some framing around the face etc, and she ok-ed everything (since she was not good at selecting hairstyles and had discovered that the more she tries to be particular about an end result, the more disappointed she ends up) - The girl finished it in record time - hardly 10-15 mins and blow dried it into the most perfect, and the most non-fussy hairstyle she ever had. She was so happy she tipped the girl extra. When she was walking out, she felt like a model (She knew this would last only till the next hairwash, but neverthless...) - She decided to check in on her friends in the office and when she walked in, as usual, he was there! She was not able to hide her excitement about the haircut and showed it off to him. He seemed very amused. She knew that boys (and sometimes girls) might find these things very silly, but he didn't look bored, nor did he tease her about it - He gave the perfect reaction - acknowledging her excitement and joining in on it. Her friend had also come to the office hoping to meet her boyfriend, but he had some other engagement. So the friend suggested that the three of them go to French Bread pizza and watch Ocean's Eleven afterwards. She had not watched many movies or gone out with friends much during her childhood days. Ocean's Eleven didn't seem like her kind of movie, but these days she was in on anything. So they set off, she in her friend's bike and he in his. She did not yet trust riding in a boy's bike, even though the boy was him.
At the movie theatre she was surprised that both he and her friend seemed to think that balcony was a waste and that first class tickets were enough. She had gone to very few movies with her family, but she remembered her father insisting on getting balcony tickets as if everything else was not good. So she was confused, but they also seemed to realize that now that they're working men and women it didn't hurt to watch movies in balcony seats. The movie was very entertaining and she went back to her housemates with the satisfaction of a good day spent with friends.
Her housemates were planning on a movie in the night and asked her to join. Two movies on the same day was too much, but it was a holiday and she would be alone in the house. It was a Tamil movie and their friends - the boys - had bought the tickets so they didn't have to stand in the queue. Going out in the night was always exciting for her. At the theatre she suddenly saw him with his friends. He was smoking, she thought. She tried to catch his eye but he had not seen her and they were far.
She felt very confused whenever she saw him smoke. He was the most intelligent and truthful person she had met, and it was beyond her comprehension to understand why he would make a wrong choice in such an obvious and easy case. They had many discussions about it, and she was too young to understand about "addiction". At that age, you wouldn't think that when people reason about something which does not make any sense, it was usually what they liked to believe themselves, not necessarily what the truth is. She remembered jokingly telling him sometime before that she'd be ashamed to have a friend who smoked, so please don't introduce himself when she was with her friends.
She knew that these things shouldn't bother her but deep down somewhere, it did. Her explanation was that we subconsciously think of our friends as our reflections - our extensions and our choices - and we are not able to make peace with your friend making a choice you would be so ashamed of, yourself. On the other hand, out of all her friends, of late he was the one she was most herself, with. She thought about what his mother (or sister) would be feeling. The sense of pride you felt about a person who's so nice and talented, whether it is your son or brother must be immense - but then you see this inconsistency where he doesn't value himself enough not to smoke and it is a very confusing area. Then she reminded herself that he was just a friend and that it was none of her business what his mother or sister felt. But what she felt was also as confusing - also so far she hasn't had any friend (or anyone close enough in the family) who smoked or drank so she hadn't faced this conflict before.
The movie was "Kannathil Muthamittal" by Mani Ratnam. When she was watching the Tamil movie, she felt that she was sharing something that was his, with him (for he was Tamil) eventhough she was in the balcony and he was in one of the lower seats.
~Her