[v24.2.x] Fix ghost node handling in raft heartbeats

[vbotbuildovich]

Backport #23916 to branch v24.2.x. This issue was created as a placeholder because the original PR's commit(s) could not be automatically cherry-picked.
Here are the commands to execute:

git checkout v24.2.x
git checkout -b manual-backport-23916-v24.2.x-228
git cherry-pick -x fd6f403ce3 12bb4ecd43 25541ce99d 1c23c3566c

git push origin manual-backport-23916-v24.2.x-228
gh pr create \
  --title "[v24.2.x] Fix ghost node handling in raft heartbeats" \
  --base "v24.2.x" \
  --label "kind/backport" \
  --head "manual-backport-23916-v24.2.x-228" \
  --draft \
  --repo "redpanda-data/redpanda" \
  --milestone "v24.2.x-next" \
  --body "Backport of PR https://github.com/redpanda-data/redpanda/pull/23916 "

[ztlpn]

fixed by #23933