[v23.2.x] kafka: Abort fetch and list_offsets when client disconnects

[vbotbuildovich]

Backport #12021 to branch v23.2.x. Note that this issue was created as a placeholder, since the original PR's commit(s) could not be automatically cherry-picked.
Here are the commands to execute:

git checkout v23.2.x
git checkout -b vbotbuildovich/backport-12021-v23.2.x-13
git cherry-pick -x 6f20ed23a6f70700655b94b8d0ddd645d6804393 f88fd9b5b441d383637c85a092803f896ae254e1 090951f344e41235710e27c9f4c9e88ab7c9916d ecb5c2fd4bf6ed8d93c1798afaf4d0620ed8db9f 3b5da87d2b85a30856d0f71ce5798fcd91382c1b c79a582bf57045b019906de8a969b638489c3b5b 28bd70b0ad4282a960c9ffd72392ce405c953713 7318818322c6ee60125c30f7ce5e39b1a45079ac 7e18eeb3c339c58880da204d4fe96c914e7f3c55 40b6fc348e4a9178ede0e5ccdcf1f285fb3ace33 99920be7aeadbdae39dd4df3e6a9ae30d368da01 bb46b94635e6cd2ff6973a7c7ffcfcb635dd6686

git push origin vbotbuildovich/backport-12021-v23.2.x-13
gh pr create \
  --title "[v23.2.x] kafka: Abort fetch and list_offsets when client disconnects" \
  --base "v23.2.x" \
  --label "kind/backport" \
  --head "vbotbuildovich/backport-12021-v23.2.x-13" \
  --draft \
  --repo "redpanda-data/redpanda" \
  --reviewer "dotnwat,VladLazar,michael-redpanda" \
  --milestone "v23.2.x-next" \
  --body "Backport of PR https://github.com/redpanda-data/redpanda/pull/12021 "

[BenPope]

Backport this, too: #12955

[BenPope]

Fixed by #12981