States Enforce Quarantines to Discourage Travel - The Daily Social Distancing Sh.en-US.srt

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All across the country
right now, as you know,

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states are trying their best
to handle the coronavirus,

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and they're doing it
in different ways.

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And New York has taken
social distancing so seriously

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that Mayor Bill de Blasio
has now announced

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that he's gonna start ripping
down basketball hoops

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out of all the city parks

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so that people don't want
to go and play there.

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Oh, and, fun fact, de Blasio
is the only mayor in America

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who has to bend down
when he rips out the hoops.

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Oh!

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So, that's what's happening
in New York.

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But other states
are taking a different approach

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to keep themselves safe,

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uh, hanging up
a "no trespassing" sign.

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REPORTER: Fly to Florida
and it will really cost you.

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You're going to have
to self-isolate for two weeks

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before do you anything else.

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Hopefully, that will be
a deterrent for people.

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If you're just simply trying
to escape here,

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uh, to avoid the restrictions
that have been put in place

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in your own state, that is
probably not a good idea.

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Meantime, both Alaska and Hawaii
are now requiring

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mandatory 14-day quarantines for
everyone entering their states.

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REPORTER 2: They say
if you aren't able to comply

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with the quarantine,

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you will need
to postpone your trip.

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I hope that everyone complies
and visitors do not come here.

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We do want those who may have
scheduled trips to the islands--

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take the action to cancel
or reschedule their trip.

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Yeah, that's right.

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If you try and get off the plane
in Alaska,

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Hawaii, or Florida,

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instead of a guy with a sign

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holding up your name
at the airport,

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people just have a sign
that says,

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"Turn around, dick."

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And, I mean, I'm assuming
your name is Dick.

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I mean, they could write
"Richard," if you prefer that.

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They just-- "Turn around"
and the person.

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But if these states really want
to keep people out,

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instead of tourism ads,
you know what they need?

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They need to make
some anti-tourism ads.

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In fact,

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we did it for them.

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ANNOUNCER:
Ah, Hawaii.

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With its sandy beaches,

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lush rainforests,
and friendly people,

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Hawaii is heaven on earth,

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or at least it was
until you dirty mainlanders

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came and infected us.

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From now on,
just stay the hell away.

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Remember,
we've also got volcanoes,

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and we're not afraid
to throw you into one.

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Hawaii.

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Go to Florida. It's closer.

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ANNOUNCER 2: Are you looking
for breathtaking landscapes,

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untamed wildlife,

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and blissful solitude?

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Well, tough shit.

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We don't want you here.

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And your tropical ass
wouldn't last a day anyway.

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This is Alaska, mother(bleep).

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We're basically in Russia.

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We still use dogs for cars.

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Alaska. Come one step closer

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and I swear to God
we'll blow up all the oil.

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♪ ♪

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ANNOUNCER 3:
Can't wait to visit Florida?

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Sure, you can.

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It's not all sunshine
and Mickey Mouse down here.

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-Remember that guy
on bath salts -Bath salts.

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who tried to eat
another guy's face?

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That happened here.

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And you know where
all those Florida men live?

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In (bleep) Florida.

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Plus, this is where
all the old people are.

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Does this look
like a party to you?

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You really need
a list of reasons to stay away?

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Fine. Angry gators,

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frozen iguanas, Mar-a-Lago,

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humidity, stand-your-ground,

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hurricanes, Tim Tebow.

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Florida.

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Stay away
from our penis-shaped hellhole.

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♪ ♪