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Holidays have always been an issue with my MIL. For example, when husband and I first moved in together we decided to start sharing holidays with our families, which has never been easy as we're two children of divorce and our hometowns are an hour away from each other. That first xmas we decided to split xmas eve with his mom and dad, and xmas day with mine. We specifically decided to do xmas eve with his side because that's when his mom's family has a big dinner and used to throw a big party (post covid everyone just sits in the living room on their phones now and no relatives come over). He said when he told his mother this she started crying and screaming that he wasn't coming home for xmas because she wanted both days. Husband stood firm and even now doesn't let her get away with stuff this brazen, but the holidays are always a headache for us because we need to balance how much we give her with how much of a meltdown we receive in return, and usually we have to agree to disagree. For those wondering, no/limited contact isn't in the cards for us. She's not so horrible that my husband wants to limit their relationship, and even though I'm not on great terms with her, things have never been so bad that I would ask him to do that. Plus, it would cause a lot of strain with other relatives on that side.

This year, come Thanksgiving, I will be 7 months pregnant with our first. My dr said so long as I don't have any complications travel will be doable, but from everything I've looked up it will not be a fun experience. We have to drive 5hrs plus time for stops and holiday traffic, then sleep on uncomfortable old beds. Then tack on the game a musical houses between all our parents (his dad is less of a drama queen but still tends to expect we just accommodate what he wants, and while my parents are understanding I would feel awful excluding them and traveling just for the other two asshats). Apparently early this month my husband already started getting texts from his mother that we need to come up for Thanksgiving. My baby shower is in the area of our families in early November so she's arguing we will have to come up to get any gifts we can't bring down the first time. The shower seems like a blessing and a curse. I didn't want to schedule that late, but we couldn't make anything else work. On the downside, I think now she has it in her head that because I'm coming for the shower I'll still be able to come up for the holiday. On the upside, husband and I agreed to just tell her we'll see how I manage the ride up for the shower, and if we decide we don't want to do Thanksgiving we'll just say it was too hard on me.

I'm glad husband and I seem to be making it work, but I guess what went up my ass sideways about this is the fact she didn't take me and my pregnancy into consideration at all when she started making these demands. Maybe I'm being a baby, but I feel like asking a woman who's two months from her due date to travel that much is a lot, and using my shower as a bargaining chip just felt slimy. I told the thing about the gifts to my mom and she was appalled. Her first thought was to offer to drive down any remaining gifts for us, or even pay to rent us a trailer (thanks mom 😊). I guess it just feels like my mother's reaction was the normal way a parent should respond by actually trying to help their child/child-in-law who's in our situation. My MIL's only thought though was how she can manipulate the situation to get custody of my husband on that day that the calendar says is special. That's part of the issue, too. She and her parents are the only ones we see for holidays, and despite the fact her parents are retired and she works a normal Mon- Fri, 9-5 job with holidays and a buttload of PTO, she has to have holidays on the day of. This has resulted in us having to take extra time off work, missing time with relatives who have irregular work schedules, or getting attitude from her if we can't make her vision of Easter on a Sunday or Thanksgiving on a Thursday happen. Like I said, holidays at her house now are just sitting in the living room with the TV on and everyone scrolling on their phones, so I don't get why the experience is more magical on December 25th when it would have been much less stressful for husband and I to travel on the previous or following weekend.

I think husband will pull through this year, but if he seems at all like he's going to give in to her manipulation and guilt tripping, I will make the drive to and from my shower hell with a million pee/walk breaks, complaints of back pain, and my dr is pretty chill so I'm sure I can even get a note from her lol. Side note, I know some of this sounds bad for my husband, please go easy on him. He honestly has been improving with how he manages his side of the family, and I think with the baby coming he's been realizing with every demand for a visit how miserable that is going to be for a child.

Anyway, end of my rant, wish me luck with xmas as my dr has already told me I will need to stay within an hour of the hospital by then. I'll be stocking up on popcorn to watch the meltdown unfold when husband breaks the news. ✌️