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I’m writing this because I don’t have anyone to talk. I don’t have friend, family. Although I have few people I know and talk from now and then, they all treat me as a psycho, lunatic and crazy so It’s better keep it myself than tell them about it.
I have history of asylum because of suicidal episode which happened in late June, 2020. I was stressed enough because of what I will explain later in this blog, I merely wanted to end all these mess because it didn’t seem to finish itself unless I end it. In fact, It ended up as a great failure likely my other projects in my life.(as I was imprisoned for 14 days.)
I realised that I can't end my life with my free will in modern days even though it's my own life. Because the government needs worker ants. If I plan to commit suicide again, it would be very secret. Last time, I wanted to make sure the continuance of my Netflix subscription for my mom after I kill myself. Because She doesn't know how to, and it kept unsubscribed by itself somehow. and... it's obvious suicidal threats to others. I won't make same dumb mistake, If i do it again. This doesn't necessarily mean that I am planning to kill myself.
By writing and saving my story as md file, it will be remained as some codes and data in github in case I disappear all of sudden. I tried to leave my last will other than write and leave a note but as I said, people think it's suicidal threats and treat me as I’m sick person so it didn't work well that way. For them I am just having another psychosis, manic episode.
I want them to see why and how I’ve been suffered. Reason I chose github isn’t clear. I remember I've read something like “no database, no comment, only contents”, in github page? or jekyll documentation page? and it sounded interesting. Since I was attacked by people who I have never seen through the Wordpress comment section. Why should I become a target when I didn't do anything wrong? 🤔
Maybe I really am delusional and see things that does not exist. As well as people would not care about why I went crazy and what made me lunatic. There are many people in the world have weird, unique, abnormal thoughts and who really cares anyway?
One thing at a time. I like to prove things, I don’t like to be fooled. I do want to let people know that I am not schizophrenic. and I am not threatening anyone with suicidal attempt. Life is wonderful.
This is all about.