[branch-1.1-lts](cherry-pick) Fix brpc causing query mem tracker to be inaccurate and deadlock

[xinyiZzz]

Proposed changes

Issue Number: close #xxx

Problem summary

cherry-pick #13401, #13528, #13697

Checklist(Required)

1. Does it affect the original behavior:
   • Yes
   • No
   • I don't know
2. Has unit tests been added:
   • Yes
   • No
   • No Need
3. Has document been added or modified:
   • Yes
   • No
   • No Need
4. Does it need to update dependencies:
   • Yes
   • No
5. Are there any changes that cannot be rolled back:
   • Yes (If Yes, please explain WHY)
   • No

Further comments

If this is a relatively large or complex change, kick off the discussion at [email protected] by explaining why you chose the solution you did and what alternatives you considered, etc...

[morningman]

LGTM

[yiguolei]

Pls not merge it. I will merge it until it is stable on master since many people are using 1.1.x .