foad.py

#!/usr/bin/env python3
# -*- coding: utf-8 -*-

from __future__ import unicode_literals, division, print_function

import argparse
import locale
import random
import sys
import textwrap

del unicode_literals, division, print_function

##
# FOAD: Fucked Off Adversarial Degenerates (Fuck Off And Die)
#
# Copyright © Benjamin D. McGinnes, 2013-2020
# Copyright (C) Ben McGinnes, 2013-2020
# ben@adversary.org
# OpenPGP/GPG key:  0x321E4E2373590E5D
#
# https://github.com/adversary-org/foad
#
# Version:  0.8.1.26
#
# BTC:  1NpzDJg2pXjSqCL3XHTcyYaehiBN3kG3Lz
# Licenses:  Apache 2.0
#
#
# Requirements:
#
# * Python 3.2 or later (developed with Python 3.4.x)
# * Python modules: argparse, locale, random, sys, textwrap
# * Python 2.7 supported from version 0.8 onward.
#
# Versions up to 0.4.x developed with Python 2.7.x.  Conversion to
# Python 3 made from version 0.4.2.  Support for any Python 2 series
# was removed from version 0.4.2 through to the end of the 0.7
# releases.  Support was restored for Python 2.7 with version 0.8, but
# only checked against 2.7.9 and requires manually editing the first
# line on *nix systems to point to python or python2.  It cannot work
# with Python 2.6 or earlier due to the use of argparse (and possibly
# other things).
#
# Previous versions might have worked with Python 3.0 and 3.1 (I don't
# know for sure, I never checked), but with the inclusion of the
# argparse module this is now no longer possible (if it ever was).
#
# If there is any future conflict between the Python 3 requirements
# and Python 2, the development will *always* favour Python 3.
#
#
# Options and notes:
#
# Based on Fuck Off As A Service (FOAAS)
# https://foaas.herokuapp.com/
#
# Includes the same options and many more beyond those.
#
# As the name suggests, most of the output involves the many uses of
# the word "fuck", but some options do not use it.  Running the
# unittest will display the output for all options and show which
# options do not use the word "fuck".
#
# The unittest will display the correct output for almost everything.
#
# The "sherlock" option if it is run with "Sherlock" or "Sherlock
# Holmes" as the target will only produce one result normally, but the
# unittest won't pick that up properly.  The "random" option, however,
# will give the correct output if it happens to hit that option with
# that target.
#
# The acronyms options also does not behave like the main options,
# instead it uses the the target parameter to look up different
# definitions.
#
# Using the acronym option without a target displays an introduction.
# Using the acronym option with a target not specifically addressed
# displays the list of target parameters which can be used with that
# option.  Using any of the listed target parameters will display the
# relevant definition.
#
# There are four options in Latin.  The "priapus" options include
# translation in each option and accessed via the --extra flag.  The
# "custode", "omnia" and "vvv" options include translations in comments
# in the source code.
#
# There are at least three options which depend on the encoding being
# UTF-8 (those being "custode", "omnia" and "linus").  If the
# copyright symbols peppered throughout the script don't display
# properly then there's a good chance that those options won't either.
#
#
# The script now uses argparse to handle input, which means the order
# of the input types can be switched around since it is the flag which
# determines how the input is initially handled and not the order of
# the arguments.  However, it is now essential when using arguments
# with two or more words (e.g. names) to place them in quotation marks
# as in the examples.
#
# Usage:  foad.py -f donut -n foo
#         foad.py -f outside --name "FirstName LastName"
#         foad.py --fuck king --name "FirstName LastName"
#         foad.py -n Veronica --fuck chainsaw
#         foad.py -f field3 -n Bob -s Kate -e "Some stuff."
#
# The old method of calling the script will still work, but only for
# the argument types available at this point (i.e. --fuck and --name).
# Newer argument types (e.g. --extra and --sender) will not be
# available through the old method.  When using this old method the
# order in which the options are specified is important.
#
# Old Usage:  foad.py donut foo
#             foad.py outside "FirstName LastName"
#             foad.py king FirstName LastName
#
# Old X-Chat/IRC usage:  /exec -o foad.py donut foo
#                        /exec -o foad.py outside "FirstName LastName"
#                        /exec -o foad.py king FirstName LastName
#
# Calling foad.py in other Python scripts (e.g. Twython for Twitter)
# should be performed with the subprocess module.  Methods for doing
# so are left as an exercise to the reader.
#
# If foad.py is added to site-packages, further help can be obtained
# with pydoc3 (or by running that command in the same directory as the
# script).
#
# Python Documentation help command: pydoc3 foad
# Command line help and hints: foad.py -h
#
##

__author__ = "Ben McGinnes <ben@adversary.org>"
__copyrightu__ = "Copyright © Benjamin D. McGinnes, 2013-2020"
__copyrighta__ = "Copyright (C) Benjamin D. McGinnes, 2013-2020"
__title__ = "FOAD: Fucked Off Adversarial Degenerates (Fuck Off And Die)"
__stitle__ = "FOAD"
__license__ = "Apache 2.0"
__version__ = "0.8.1.26"
__bitcoin__ = "1NpzDJg2pXjSqCL3XHTcyYaehiBN3kG3Lz"
__openpgp__ = "0x321E4E2373590E5D"
__openpgp_fpr__ = "DB4724E6FA4286C92B4E55C4321E4E2373590E5D"
__openpgp_key__ = "0x321E4E2373590E5D"

if locale.getlocale()[1] == "UTF-8":
    __copyright__ = __copyrightu__
elif locale.getdefaultlocale()[1] == "UTF-8":
    __copyright__ = __copyrightu__
elif locale.getpreferredencoding() == "UTF-8":
    __copyright__ = __copyrightu__
else:
    try:
        __copyright__ = __copyrightu__
    except locale.Error:
        __copyright__ = __copyrighta__

about = """
{0}
Version {1}
{2}
License:   {3}

    For instructions run:  {4} -h

    To list all options run:  {4} -O .

    To display the version and exit run:  {4} -V .

Contact:  {5} {6}

OpenPGP:  {7}
Bitcoin:  {8}
""".format(__title__, __version__, __copyright__, __license__, sys.argv[0],
           __author__, __openpgp__, __openpgp_fpr__, __bitcoin__)

version = "{0} ({1}) version {2}".format(__stitle__, sys.argv[0], __version__)

lx = len(sys.argv)

if lx == 2 and sys.argv[1].startswith("-") is False:
    sys.argv.insert(1, "-f")
elif lx == 3 and sys.argv[1].startswith(
        "-") is False and sys.argv[2].startswith("-") is False:
    sax = []
    sax.append(sys.argv[0])
    sax.append("-f")
    sax.append(sys.argv[1])
    sax.append("-n")
    sax.append(sys.argv[2])
    sys.argv = sax
elif lx >= 4 and sys.argv[1].startswith(
        "-") is False and sys.argv[2].startswith("-") is False:
    sax = []
    sax.append(sys.argv[0])
    sax.append("-f")
    sax.append(sys.argv[1])
    sax.append("-n")
    sax.append(" ".join(sys.argv[2:lx]))
    sys.argv = sax

parser = argparse.ArgumentParser(
    prog="foad.py",
    formatter_class=argparse.RawDescriptionHelpFormatter,
    description=__title__,
    epilog=textwrap.dedent("""\
        You MUST place any parameter of more than one word in
        quotation marks.

        Can only be used with the old calling method with the
        equivalent of -f and -n.  If additional parameters are used
        (e.g. --extra or --sender), then the current method MUST be
        used.

        For more help run:  pydoc3 foad

        https://github.com/adversary-org/foad

        Bitcoin:  {0}

    {1}
    {2}
    """.format(__bitcoin__, version, __copyright__)))
parser.add_argument(
    "-f",
    "--fuck",
    help=
    "One word, indicates type of fuck to give, run foad.py -f list_options to see possible flags.",
    action="store",
    required=False)
parser.add_argument(
    "-n",
    "--name",
    help="Name of target, more than one word must be in quotation marks.",
    action="store",
    required=False)
parser.add_argument(
    "-s",
    "--sender",
    help=
    "Used to specify the sender, usually within the context of some particular phrase, more than one word must be in quotation marks.",
    action="store",
    required=False)
parser.add_argument(
    "-r",
    "--relay",
    help=
    "Used to specify a third party to whom a message is to be delivered to in order to pass message to the target.",
    action="store",
    required=False)
parser.add_argument(
    "-e",
    "--extra",
    help=
    "Additional comment to insert into output, more than one word must be in quotation marks.  Used to enhance an existing response rather than append text (use -a/--append for that).",
    action="store",
    required=False)
parser.add_argument(
    "-a",
    "--append",
    help="Additional comment to append to output.  Now works with all options.",
    action="store",
    required=False)
parser.add_argument(
    "-p",
    "--prepend",
    help=
    "Additional comment to prepend before the output.  Now works with all options.",
    action="store",
    required=False)
# parser.add_argument("-o", "--output", help="Writes output to the specified file instead of stdout.", action="store", required=False)
parser.add_argument(
    "-O",
    "--options",
    help=
    "Lists the explicit variations (the same as: -f list_options), will accept any argument to activate.",
    action="store",
    required=False)
parser.add_argument(
    "-V",
    "--version",
    help="Print the version number.",
    action="store",
    required=False)

# This, in conjunction with lx above is what allows the old style
# usage to continue working:

if len(sys.argv) > lx:
    la = len(sys.argv)
else:
    la = lx

sa = []
for a in sys.argv:
    if a.startswith("-") is False:  # input can't begin with a hyphen anyway.
        sa.append(a)

l = len(sa)

args = parser.parse_args()

if args.fuck is None:
    wtf = ""
else:
    wtf = args.fuck.lower()
    wtfz = args.fuck

if args.name is None:
    target = ""
else:
    target = args.name

if args.sender is None:
    sender = ""
else:
    sender = args.sender

if args.extra is None:
    extra = ""
else:
    extra = args.extra

if args.relay is None:
    relay = ""
else:
    relay = args.relay

if args.append is None:
    append = ""
else:
    append = args.append

if args.prepend is None:
    prepend = ""
else:
    prepend = args.prepend

if args.options is None:
    options = ""
#elif sys.argv[1] == "\-O" or "\--options" and args.options is None:
#    options = "opt"
else:
    options = args.options

if args.version is None:
    version = ""
#elif sys.argv[1] == "-V" or "--version" and args.version is None:
#    version = "ver"
else:
    version = args.version

lt = len(target)
ls = len(sender)
le = len(extra)
lR = len(relay)  # lr is already used for part of the random calls.
lA = len(append)  # la is already used for all of sys.argv.
lP = len(prepend)  # I think lp is used for something else as well.
lO = len(options)
lV = len(version)


class fuck:
    def a(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuckin' A!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, fuckin' A!".format(target)
        return msg

    def abortion(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "You should have been aborted!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you should have been aborted!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0} should've been aborted!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you and {1} should've been aborted!".format(
                target, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0 and sender == "retro":
            msg = "You should be retroactively aborted!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0 and sender == "retro":
            msg = "{0}, you should be retroactively aborted!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and sender == "retro":
            msg = "{0} should be retroactively aborted!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 1 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and sender == "retro":
            msg = "{0}, you and {1} should be retroactively aborted!".format(
                target, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0 and sender == "candid":
            msg = "Not only should you have been aborted, but you're a candidate for retroactive abortion!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0 and sender == "candid":
            msg = "Not only should you have been aborted, {0}, but you're a candidate for retroactive abortion!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and sender == "candid":
            msg = "Not only should {0} have been aborted, but they're a candidate for retroactive abortion!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and sender == "candid":
            msg = "{0}, not only should you and {1} have been aborted, you're candidates for retroactive abortion!".format(target, extra)
        return msg

    def about(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = textwrap.fill("Messages and other information to be displayed interactively.  As with the acronym option, the target parameters are used to call each message.  A non-existent target parameter will produce a list of available options.", 72)
        elif target.lower() == "adversary":
            msg = "Organised Adversary"
        elif target.lower() == "atitle":
            msg = __title__
        elif target.lower() == "author":
            msg = __author__
        elif target.lower() == "bitcoin":
            msg = __bitcoin__
        elif target.lower() == "contact":
            msg = "See the following 'foad.py about' parameters: email, gpg key, irc and domain."
        elif target.lower() == "copyright":
            msg = __copyright__
        elif target.lower() == "domain":
            msg = "http://www.adversary.org/"
        elif target.lower() == "donations":
            msg = "If you find this script useful, please donate to the Bitcoin address included."
        elif target.lower() == "email":
            msg = "ben@adversary.org"
        elif target.lower() == "encryption":
            msg = "My GPG key is included for a reason, we should all be encrypting everything all the time."
        elif target.lower() in "gpg key":
            msg = __openpgp_key__
        elif target.lower() in "fpr":
            msg = __openpgp_fpr__
        elif target.lower() in "fingerprint":
            msg = __openpgp_fpr__
        elif target.lower() == "irc":
            msg = "Hasimir on freenode.net"
        elif target.lower() == "options":
            msg = "Number of defined options:  {0}".format(lc)
        elif target.lower() == "pirate":
            msg = "http://www.pirateparty.org.au/"
        elif target.lower() == "twitter":
            msg = "Use this script with the Twython Tools scripts or anything which can call it and post the output."
        elif target.lower() in "twython tools":
            msg = "https://github.com/adversary-org/twython-tools"
        elif target.lower() == "version":
            msg = __version__
        elif target.lower() == "website":
            msg = "https://github.com/adversary-org/foad"
        else:
            msg = textwrap.fill("Target parameters: adversary, atitle, author, bitcoin, contact, copyright, domain, donations, email, encryption, gpg key, irc, options, pirate, twitter, twython, version, website.", 72)
        return msg

    def acronym(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = textwrap.fill(
                "Acronyms and backronyms; use the target parameter to choose which one.  To view the target parameters run: foad.py -f acronym -n x",
                72)
        elif target.lower() == "fubar":
            msg = "FUBAR: Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition"
        elif target.lower() == "carnal":
            msg = """FUCK: For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge
      Actually a backronym and urban myth on the origin of the word fuck."""
        elif target.lower() == "bond":
            msg = """FUCK: Freddy Uncle Charlie Katie
      A backronym used by Ian Fleming to avoid censors in one of the James Bond novels."""
        elif target.lower() == "die":
            msg = "FOAD: Fuck Off And Die"
        elif target.lower() == "right":
            msg = "FROAD: Fuck Right Off And Die"
        elif target.lower() == "title":
            msg = "FOAD: Fucked Off Adversarial Degenerates"  # Also a backronym.
        elif target.lower() == "figjam":
            msg = "FIGJAM: Fuck I'm Good, Just Ask Me"
        elif target.lower() == "cunt":
            msg = """CUNT: Caring Understanding Nineties Type
      A response to SNAG."""
        elif target.lower() == "foaas":
            msg = """FOAAS: Fuck Off As A Service
        The API which led to this script since that API is not consistently
        maintained."""
        elif target.lower() == "lmfao":
            msg = "LMFAO: Laughing My Fucking Arse Off"
        elif target.lower() == "snag":
            msg = """SNAG: Sensitive New Age Guy
      See also: CUNT"""
        elif target.lower() == "snafu":
            msg = "SNAFU: Situation Normal: All Fucked Up"
        else:
            msg = textwrap.fill("Target parameters: bond, carnal, cunt, die, figjam, foaas, fubar, lmfao, right, snafu, snag, title.", 72)
        return msg

    def agree(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Abso-fucking-lutely!"
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "Abso-fucking-lutely {0}!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Abso-fucking-lutely {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def amaze(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "That was fucking amazing!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, that was fucking amazing!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "{0}, that was fucking amazing!".format(target)
        return msg

# All the amber options are taken or adapted from _The Chronicles of
# Amber_ by Roger Zelazny.  More than one is simply inevitable.

    def amber1(self):
        if lt == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Of all my relations I like sex the best and you the least."
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Of all my relations I like sex the best and {0} the least.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, of all my relations I like sex the best and {1} the least.".format(relay, target)
        else:
            msg = "Of all my relations I like sex the best and {0} the least.".format(target)
        return msg

    def amber2(self):
        # The original quote: "I walked among Shadows, and found a race of furry creatures, dark and clawed and fanged, reasonably manlike, and about as intelligent as a freshman in the high school of your choice—sorry, kids, but what I mean is they were loyal, devoted, honest, and too easily screwed by bastards like me and my brother. I felt like the dee-jay of your choice."
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "You're about as intelligent as a freshman in the high school of your choice; sorry, but what I mean is you're loyal, devoted, honest, and too easily screwed over by bastards."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0:  # include is/are in target/name.
            msg = "{0} about as intelligent as a freshman in the high school of your choice; loyal, devoted, honest, and too easily screwed over by bastards.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0:  # include is/are in target/name.
            msg = "{0} about as intelligent as a freshman in the high school of your choice; loyal, devoted, honest, and too easily screwed over by bastards like {1}.".format(target, sender)
        return msg

    def amber3(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Talk is cheap, whiskey costs money."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Talk is cheap, {0}, whiskey costs money.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Talk is fucking cheap, whiskey costs money."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Talk is fucking cheap, {0}, whiskey costs money.".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def apple(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "No you fucking can't do it your way!  We don't give a fuck if it's better, you do it our fucking way or you fuck off!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "No {0}, you fucking can't do it your way!  We don't give a fuck if it's better, you do it our fucking way or you fuck off!".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "No {0}, you fucking can't do it your way!  We don't give a fuck if it's better, you do it our fucking way or you fuck off!  -- {1}".format(
                target, sender)
        else:
            msg = "No {0}, you fucking can't do it your way!  We don't give a fuck if it's better, you do it our fucking way or you fuck off!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    # From _Drive Angry_ (2011):
    def badge(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "You know what this badge means? Federal Bureau of get the fuck outta my way!"
        if lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "You know what this badge means, {0}? Federal Bureau of get the fuck outta my way!".format(
                target)
        if lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "You know what this badge means, {0}? {1} of get the fuck outta my way!".format(
                target, extra)
        else:
            msg = "You know what this badge means? Federal Bureau of get the fuck outta my way!"
        return msg

    def ballmer(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Ballmer Notes: This option requires the first target specified with --name and the second (usually a company or organisation) with --extra (sender optional).  For a gender neutral version use ballmerc on --fuck, for a plural version use ballmers on --fuck."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} is a fucking pussy.  I'm going to bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.".format(
                target, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} is a fucking pussy.  I'm going to bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.".format(
                target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} is a fucking pussy.  I'm going to bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.  -- {2}".format(
                target, target, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} is a fucking pussy.  I'm going to bury that guy, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.  -- {2}".format(
                target, extra, sender)
        return msg

    def ballmerc(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Ballmer Notes: This option requires the first target specified with --name and the second (usually a company or organisation) with --extra (sender optional).  This is the gender neutral (and harsher) version, for a plural version on --name use ballmers on --fuck."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} is a little fucking bitch.  I'm going to bury that cunt, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.".format(
                target, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} is a little fucking bitch.  I'm going to bury that cunt, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.".format(
                target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} is a little fucking bitch.  I'm going to bury that cunt, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.  -- {2}".format(
                target, target, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} is a little fucking bitch.  I'm going to bury that cunt, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.  -- {2}".format(
                target, extra, sender)
        return msg

    def ballmers(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Plural Ballmer Notes: This option requires the first targets specified with --name in quotation marks (e.g. 'name1 and name2' or 'name1, name2 and name3') and the second (usually a company or organisation) with --extra (sender optional)."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} are fucking pussies.  I'm going to bury those guys, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.".format(
                target, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} are fucking pussies.  I'm going to bury those guys, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.".format(
                target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} are fucking pussies.  I'm going to bury those guys, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.  -- {2}".format(
                target, target, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Fucking {0} are fucking pussies.  I'm going to bury those guys, I have done it before and I will do it again.  I'm going to fucking kill {1}.  -- {2}".format(
                target, extra, sender)
        return msg

    def bbm(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Big bad motherfucker."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0} is a big bad motherfucker.".format(sender)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1} is a big bad motherfucker.".format(target, sender)
        else:
            msg = "{0}, {1} is a big bad motherfucker.".format(target, sender)
        return msg

    def because(self):  # wbfu option uses full stops, otherwise the same.
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Because fuck you, that's why!"
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "Because fuck you, {0}, that's why!".format(target)
        return msg

    def boomer(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Shut the fuck up, boomer!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, shut the fuck up boomer!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Shut the fuck up, you fucking boomer!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Shut the fuck up {0}, you fucking boomer!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Shut the fuck up, you fucking boomer!"
        return msg

    def bus(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Christ on a bendy-bus, don't be such a fucking faff-arse."
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "Christ on a bendy-bus, {0}, don't be such a fucking faff-arse.".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def bye(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuckity bye!"
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "Fuckity bye {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def caniuse(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Can I Use Notes: This option requires the tool/object be specified with --extra and is a two-parter rolled into one command.  Currently requires --name, --extra and --sender."
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = """{0}, it's {1} here, can I use {2}?  ...  Can you use {3}?  Fuck no, {4}!  You cannot fucking use {5}!""".format(
                sender, target, extra, extra, target, extra)
        return msg

    def cango1(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "They can go and fuck themselves."
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Tell {0} that {1} said they can go and fuck themselves.".format(
                target, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that they can go and fuck themselves.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that {2} said they can go and fuck themselves.".format(
                relay, target, sender)
        else:
            msg = "{0} can go and fuck themselves.".format(target)
        return msg

    def cango2(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "He can go and fuck himself."
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Tell {0} that {1} said he can go and fuck himself.".format(
                target, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that he can go and fuck himself.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that {2} said he can go and fuck himself.".format(
                relay, target, sender)
        else:
            msg = "{0} can go and fuck himself.".format(target)
        return msg

    def cango3(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "She can go and fuck herself."
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Tell {0} that {1} said she can go and fuck herself.".format(
                target, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that she can go and fuck herself.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that {2} said she can go and fuck herself.".format(
                relay, target, sender)
        else:
            msg = "{0} can go and fuck herself.".format(target)
        return msg

    def cbf(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I can't be fucked!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I can't be fucked!".format(target)
        return msg

    def chainsaw(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.  Do I look like Mother Teresa?"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, {0}.  Do I look like Mother Teresa?".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def chainsawe(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!  Do I look like Mother Teresa?!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, {0}!  Do I look like Mother Teresa?!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def chainsaws(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def cfm(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Come fuck me."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, come fuck me.".format(target)
        return msg

    def cluster(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "It's a total cluster-fuck!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, it's a total cluster-fuck!".format(target)
        return msg

    def clustera(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "It's an almighty cluster-fuck!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, it's an almighty cluster-fuck!".format(target)
        return msg

    def cocksuck(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you, you fucking cocksucker!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck you {0}, you fucking cocksucker!".format(target)
        return msg

    def compleat(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I might be a cunt, but I'm not a complete and utter fucking cunt."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I might be a cunt, {0}, but I'm not a complete and utter fucking cunt.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I might be a {0}, but I'm not a complete and utter fucking {1}!".format(
                extra, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I might be a {0}, {1}, but I'm not a complete and utter fucking {2}!".format(
                extra, target, extra)
        return msg

    def cracked(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You are fucking cracked!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you are fucking cracked!".format(target)
        return msg

    def cthulhu(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"
        elif lt >= 0 and le > 0 and extra.lower() == "campus":
            msg = "Campus crusade for Cthulhu; if your god is dead, blame ours."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and extra.lower() == "vote":
            msg = "Vote for Cthulhu! Why vote for the lesser of two evils?"
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and extra.lower() == "vote":
            msg = "Cthulhu for {0}! Why vote for the lesser of two evils?".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"
        return msg

    def cunt(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you, you complete and utter fucking cunt!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck you {0}, you complete and utter fucking cunt!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def cunts(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you, you complete and utter fucking cunts!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck you {0}, you complete and utter fucking cunts!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def cuntz(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck all those complete and utter fucking cocksuckers and cunts!"
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Fuck them, they're all complete and utter fucking cocksuckers and cunts!".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck {0}, they're all complete and utter fucking cunts!".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Fuck {0}, they're all complete and utter fucking cocksuckers and cunts!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def custode(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Sed quis custodiet ipsos futūtor?"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Sed quis custodiet ipsos futūtor, {0}?".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Who will guard the fuckers?"
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Who will guard the fuckers, {0}?".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Sed quis custodiet ipsos futūtor?!"
        return msg

    def damage(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "What is your fucking damage?"
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "What is {0} fucking damage?".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, what is your fucking damage?".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, what is {1} fucking damage?".format(target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, with {1}, what is their fucking damage?".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, with {1}, what is {2} fucking damage?".format(
                relay, target, extra)
        else:
            msg = "What is your fucking damage?"
        return msg

    def deadwood(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You fucking cocksucker!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're a fucking cocksucker!".format(target)
        return msg

    def denial(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I didn't fucking do it!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I didn't fucking do it!".format(target)
        return msg

    def diabetes(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I'd love to stop and chat to you but I'd rather have type 2 diabetes."
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "I'd love to stop and chat to you, {0}, but I'd rather have type 2 diabetes.".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def dilligaf(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Do I look like I give a fuck?"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Do I look like I give a fuck, {0}?".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Do I look like I give a fuck?!"
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Do I look like I give a fuck, {0}?!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Do I look like I give a fuck?!"
        return msg

    def disbelief(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Un-fucking-believable!"
        else:
            msg = "Un-fucking-believable {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def does(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Does it look like I give a fuck?"
        elif lt > 0 and le ==0:
            msg = "{0}, does it look like I give a fuck?".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Does it look like I give a fuck?!"
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, does it look like I give a fuck?!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Does it look like I give a fuck?!"
        return msg

    def donut(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Go and take a flying fuck at a rolling donut."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, go and take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def doodle(self):
        msg = "Fuck-a-doodle-doo!"
        return msg

    def dorothy(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Too fucking busy and vice versa."  # Dorothy Parker
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I'm too fucking busy and vice versa.".format(target)
        return msg

    def duck(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck a duck!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, fuck a duck!".format(target)
        return msg

    def english(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "English motherfucker!  Do you speak it?!"
        else:
            msg = "English motherfucker!  Do you speak it, {0}?!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def every1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Everyone's fucked!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, everyone's fucked!".format(target)
        return msg

    def every2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Everything's fucked!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, everything's fucked!".format(target)
        return msg

    def exorcist(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell!"
        else:
            msg = "Your mother sucks cocks in Hell, {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def fascinating(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fascinating story, in what chapter do you shut the fuck up?"
        else:
            msg = "Fascinating story, {0}, in what chapter do you shut the fuck up?".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def fascist(self):  # sender and relay used in non-standard ways.
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off, I don't speak fascist."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off {0}, I don't speak fascist.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I'm sorry, I don't speak fascist."
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I'm sorry {0}, I don't speak fascist.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't speak fascist.".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0} {1}, I don't speak fascist.".format(extra, target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off, I don't speak to fascists."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off {0}, I don't speak to fascists.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I'm sorry, I don't speak to fascists."
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I'm sorry {0}, I don't speak to fascists.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't speak to fascists.".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0} {1}, I don't speak to fascists.".format(extra, target)
        return msg

    def ffs(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "For fuck's sake!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "For fuck's sake, {0}!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "For fuck's sake!"
        return msg

    def field(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "And I said unto thee, 'Verily, cast thine eyes upon the field in which I grow my fucks,' and thou gave witness unto the field and saw that it was barren."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "And I said unto {0}, 'Verily, cast thine eyes upon the field in which I grow my fucks,' and {1} gave witness unto the field and saw that it was barren.".format(
                target, target)
        if lt == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "And {0} said unto thee, 'Verily, cast thine eyes upon the field in which I grow my fucks,' and thou gave witness unto the field and saw that it was barren.".format(
                sender)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "And {0} said unto {1}, 'Verily, cast thine eyes upon the field in which I grow my fucks,' and {2} gave witness unto the field and saw that it was barren.".format(
                sender, target, target)
        return msg

    def figjam(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck I'm good, just ask me!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck I'm good, {0}, just ask me!".format(target)
        return msg

    def fire(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Die in a fire."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Just die in a fire, {0}.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Just fucking die in a fire!"
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, just fucking die in a fire!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Just fucking die in a fire!"
        return msg

    def flying(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a flying fuck!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a flying fuck!".format(target)
        return msg

    def flying1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a flying fuck!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a flying fuck!".format(target)
        return msg

    def flying2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a flying fuck!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a flying fuck!".format(target)
        return msg

    def foad(self):
        msg = """
Try froad as the type of fuck to give instead.

Alternatively run the help guide for foad.py (pydoc3 foad).
"""
        return msg

    def forsooth(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Forsooth!  Thou art fucked!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Forsooth!  {0}, thou art fucked!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Forsooth!  Thou and thine {0} art fucked!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Forsooth!  {0}, thou and thine {1} art fucked!".format(
                target, extra)
        else:
            msg = "Forsooth!  Thou and thine art fucked!"
        return msg

    def froad(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off and die!"
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Fuck right off and die!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, fuck off and die!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, fuck right off and die!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Fuck off and die!"
        return msg

    def fubar(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, fucked up beyond all recognition.".format(target)
        return msg

    def fubaru(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're fucked up beyond all recognition."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're fucked up beyond all recognition.".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def fucker(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck that fucking fucker!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck {0}, that fucking fucker!".format(target)
        return msg

    def fuckers(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck the fucking fuckers!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck {0}, those fucking fuckers!".format(target)
        return msg

    def fuckety(self):
        msg = "Fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck!"
        return msg

    def fuckity(self):
        msg = "Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck!"
        return msg

    def future(self):
        if lt == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, I'd read it in your entrails."
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, {0}, I'd read it in your entrails.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know their future, I'd read it in their entrails.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know {2} future, I'd read it in {3} entrails.".format(
                relay, target, extra, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, I'd read it in your entrails!"
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, {0}, I'd read it in your entrails!".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know their future, I'd read it in their entrails!".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know {2} future, I'd read it in {3} entrails!".format(
                relay, target, extra, extra)
        else:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, I'd read it in your entrails!"
        return msg

    def futuref1(self):
        if lt == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, I'd read it in your fucking entrails."
        elif lt == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, I'd read it in your fucking entrails!"
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, {0}, I'd read it in your fucking entrails.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, {0}, I'd read it in your fucking entrails!".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know their future, I'd read it in their fucking entrails.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know their future, I'd read it in their fucking entrails!".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know {2} future, I'd read it in {3} fucking entrails.".format(
                relay, target, extra, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know {2} future, I'd read it in {3} fucking entrails!".format(
                relay, target, extra, extra)
        else:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your future, I'd read it in your fucking entrails!"
        return msg

    def futuref2(self):
        if lt == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, I'd read it in your entrails."
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, {0}, I'd read it in your entrails.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know their fucking future, I'd read it in their entrails.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know {2} fucking future, I'd read it in {3} entrails.".format(
                relay, target, extra, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, I'd read it in your entrails!"
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, {0}, I'd read it in your entrails!".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know their fucking future, I'd read it in their entrails!".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know {2} fucking future, I'd read it in {3} entrails!".format(
                relay, target, extra, extra)
        else:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, I'd read it in your entrails!"
        return msg

    def futuref3(self):
        if lt == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, I'd read it in your fucking entrails."
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, {0}, I'd read it in your fucking entrails.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know their fucking future, I'd read it in their fucking entrails.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know {2} fucking future, I'd read it in {3} fucking entrails.".format(
                relay, target, extra, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, I'd read it in your fucking entrails!"
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, {0}, I'd read it in your fucking entrails!".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know their fucking future, I'd read it in their fucking entrails!".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that if I wanted to know {2} fucking future, I'd read it in {3} fucking entrails!".format(
                relay, target, extra, extra)
        else:
            msg = "If I wanted to know your fucking future, I'd read it in your fucking entrails!"
        return msg

    def fx0(self):  # extra is required
        if le == 0:
            msg = "The extra flag (-e) MUST be used with this option."
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "You fuck{0}!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you fuck{1}!".format(target, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "You and {0} are fuck{1}!".format(relay, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, you and {1} are fuck{2}!".format(target, relay, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "You {0}{1}!".format(sender, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you {1}{2}!".format(target, sender, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "You and {0} are {1}{2}!".format(relay, sender, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, you and {1} are {2}{3}!".format(
                target, relay, sender, extra)
        else:
            msg = "The extra flag (-e) MUST be used; sender (-s) may be used to replace fuck for alternate compound words."
        return (msg)

    def fx1(self):  # extra is required
        if le == 0:
            msg = "The extra flag (-e) MUST be used with this option."
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "You complete fuck{0}!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you complete fuck{1}!".format(target, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "You and {0} are complete fuck{1}!".format(relay, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, you and {1} are complete fuck{2}!".format(
                target, relay, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "You complete {0}{1}!".format(sender, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you complete {1}{2}!".format(target, sender, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "You and {0} are complete {1}{2}!".format(
                relay, sender, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, you and {1} are complete {2}{3}!".format(
                target, relay, sender, extra)
        else:
            msg = "The extra flag (-e) MUST be used; sender (-s) may be used to replace fuck for alternate compound words."
        return (msg)

    def fx2(self):  # extra is required
        if le == 0:
            msg = "The extra flag (-e) MUST be used with this option."
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "You complete and utter fuck{0}!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you complete and utter fuck{1}!".format(target, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "You and {0} are complete and utter fuck{1}!".format(
                relay, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, you and {1} are complete and utter fuck{2}!".format(
                target, relay, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "You complete and utter {0}{1}!".format(sender, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you complete and utter {1}{2}!".format(
                target, sender, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "You and {0} are complete and utter {1}{2}!".format(
                relay, sender, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, you and {1} are complete and utter {2}{3}!".format(
                target, relay, sender, extra)
        else:
            msg = "The extra flag (-e) MUST be used; sender (-s) may be used to replace fuck for alternate compound words."
        return (msg)

    def get(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Get fucked!"
        else:
            msg = "Get fucked {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def give(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck.".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Give a fuck?"  # should never appear
        return msg

    def gived(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what they do."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what they do."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what they do.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what they do.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what you do."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what you do."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what you do.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what you do.".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (gived)"
        return msg

    def giveh(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what they hear."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what they hear."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what they hear.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what they hear.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what you hear."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what you hear."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what you hear.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what you hear.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (giveh)"
        return msg

    def gives(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what they say."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what they say."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what they say.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what they say.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what you say."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what you say."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what you say.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what you say.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (gives)"
        return msg

    def givet(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what they think."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what they think."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what they think.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what they think.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what you think."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what you think."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what you think.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what you think.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (givet)"
        return msg

    def givew(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck who they are."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck who they are."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck who they are.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck who they are.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck who you are."
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck who you are."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck who you are.".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck who you are.".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (givew)"
        return msg

    def go(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Go fuck yourself."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, go fuck yourself.".format(target)
        return msg

    def goget(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Go and get fucked!"
        else:
            msg = "Go and get fucked {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def gtfo1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Let's get the fuck out of here!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, let's get the fuck out of here!".format(target)
        return msg

    def gtfo2(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Get the fuck out!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, get the fuck out!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} to get the fuck out!".format(relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} to get the fuck out of {2}!".format(
                relay, target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1} asked me to tell you to get the fuck out!".format(
                target, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1} asked me to tell you to get the fuck out of {2}!".format(
                target, sender, extra)
        return msg

    def gtfo3(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Get the fuck out right now!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, get the fuck out right now!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, get the fuck out of {1} right now!".format(
                target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} to get the fuck out right now!".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} to get the fuck out of {2} right now!".format(
                relay, target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1} asked me to tell you to get the fuck out right now!".format(
                target, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1} asked me to tell you to get the fuck out of {2} right now!".format(
                target, sender, extra)
        return msg

    def gtfo4(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Get the fuck out right fucking now!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, get the fuck out right fucking now!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, get the fuck out of {1} right fucking now!".format(
                target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} to get the fuck out right fucking now!".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} to get the fuck out of {2} right fucking now!".format(
                relay, target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1} asked me to tell you to get the fuck out right fucking now!".format(
                target, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1} asked me to tell you to get the fuck out of {2} right fucking now!".format(
                target, sender, extra)
        return msg

    def gtfoh(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Get the fuck outta here!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, get the fuck outta here!".format(target)
        return msg

    def gtfoi(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Get the fuck over it!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Get the fuck over it, {0}!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, get the fuck over it!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Fucking hell, {0}, get the fuck over it!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Fucking hell, {0}, get the fuck over it!".format(target)
        return msg

    def hell(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fucking Hell!"
        else:
            msg = "Fucking Hell, {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def hellf(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Hell will freeze before that happens."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, Hell will freeze before that happens.".format(target)
        return msg

    def hellfif(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Hell will freeze before I fuck you."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, Hell will freeze before I fuck you.".format(target)
        return msg

    def heygo(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Go and fuck yourself!"
        else:
            msg = "Hey {0}, go fuck yourself!".format(target)
        return msg

    def horse(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you (0) and the horse you rode in on!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you and the {0} you rode in on!".format(extra)
        elif lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Fuck you and the horse you rode in {0}!".format(sender)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you {0} and the {1} you rode in on!".format(
                target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Fuck you {0} and the {1} you rode in {2}!".format(
                target, extra, sender)
        else:
            msg = "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!"
        return msg

    def holy(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Holy fucking shit!"
        else:
            msg = "Holy fucking shit, {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def how1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "How the fuck did that happen?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, how the fuck did that happen?".format(target)
        return msg

    def how2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "How the fuck does that work?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, how the fuck does that work?".format(target)
        return msg

    def htfu(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Harden the fuck up!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, harden the fuck up!".format(target)
        return msg

    def idgaf(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck!"
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Give a fuck?!"  # should never appear
        return msg

    def idgafd(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what they do!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what they do!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what they do!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what they do!".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what you do!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what you do!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what you do!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what you do!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (idgafd)"
        return msg

    def idgafh(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what they hear!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what they hear!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what they hear!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what they hear!".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what you hear!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what you hear!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what you hear!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what you hear!".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (idgafh)"
        return msg

    def idgafs(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what they say!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what they say!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what they say!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what they say!".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what you say!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what you say!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what you say!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what you say!".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (idgafs)"
        return msg

    def idgaft(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what they think!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what they think!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what they think!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what they think!".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck what you think!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck what you think!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck what you think!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck what you think!".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (idgaft)"
        return msg

    def idgafw(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck who they are!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck who they are!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck who they are!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck who they are!".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I don't give a fuck who you are!"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I really don't give a fuck who you are!"
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I don't give a fuck who you are!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, I really don't give a fuck who you are!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "WTF?! (idgafw)"
        return msg

    def incred(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "In-fucking-credible!"
        else:
            msg = "In-fucking-credible {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

    def it(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck it."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, fuck it.".format(target)
        return msg

    def jams(self):
        msg = "Kick out the Jams, motherfucker!"
        return msg

    def jesus(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Jesus Fucking Christ!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Jesus Fucking Christ, {0}!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Jesus {0}-Fucking Christ, {1}!".format(extra, target)
        else:
            msg = "Jesus {0}-Fucking Christ!".format(extra)
        return msg

    def jfgi(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Just fucking Google it."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, just fucking Google it.".format(target)
        return msg

    # Ref. Tamah Jada Clark's epic legal rant.  To be expanded upon in
    # the not too distant future, probably with extracts from the
    # brief.
    def justice(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck this court, I am Justice!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck {0}, I am Justice!".format(target)
        return msg

    def kent(self):
        # From King Lear, Act II, Scene II
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Thou art a knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver'd, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd inway of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pander, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deny the least syllable of thy addition."
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "{0}, thou art a knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver'd, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd inway of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pander, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deny the least syllable of thy addition.".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def kidding(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Are you fucking kidding me?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, are you fucking kidding me?".format(target)
        return msg

    def king(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Oh fuck off, just really fuck off you total dickface.  Christ you are fucking thick!"
        else:
            msg = "Oh fuck off, just really fuck off you total dickface.  Christ {0}, you are fucking thick!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def kirsan(self):
        if lt == 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "You are as corrupt, delusional, megalomaniacal, vindictive and just as fucking crazy as that fucktard Kirsan Ilyumzhinov!"
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you are as corrupt, delusional, megalomaniacal, vindictive and just as fucking crazy as that fucktard Kirsan Ilyumzhinov!".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and lR > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell them they're as corrupt, delusional, megalomaniacal, vindictive and just as fucking crazy as that fucktard Kirsan Ilyumzhinov!".format(
                relay)
        elif lR > 0 and lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that they're as corrupt, delusional, megalomaniacal, vindictive and just as fucking crazy as that fucktard Kirsan Ilyumzhinov!".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lR > 0 and lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that {2} is as corrupt, delusional, megalomaniacal, vindictive and just as fucking crazy as that fucktard Kirsan Ilyumzhinov!".format(
                relay, target, extra)
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you are as corrupt, delusional, megalomaniacal, vindictive and just as fucking crazy as that fucktard Kirsan Ilyumzhinov!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def know(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fucked if I know!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, fucked if I know!".format(target)
        return msg

    def liar(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're a lying sack of shit!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're a lying sack of shit!".format(target)
        return msg

    def liarf(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're such a fucking liar, just so full of shit!"
        else:
            msg = "You're such a fucking liar, {0}, just so full of shit!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def life(self):
        msg = "Fuck my life!"
        return msg

    def linus(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "There aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll have to call you perkeleen vittupää just to express my disgust and frustration with this crap."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, there aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll have to call you perkeleen vittupää just to express my disgust and frustration with this crap.".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def lmfao(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Laughing my fucking arse off."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, laughing my fucking arse off.".format(target)
        return msg

    def madison(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard.  At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.  Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.  I award you no points."
        else:
            msg = "What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard, {0}.  At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.  Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.  I award you no points {1}, and may God have mercy on your soul because no one here will.".format(
                target, target)
        return msg

    def me(self):
        msg = "Fuck me!"
        return msg

    def mental(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Are you fucking mental?!"
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:  # no content for extra used.
            msg = "You are fucking mental!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, are you fucking mental?!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, you are fucking mental!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Are you fucking mental?!"
        return msg

    def mind(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Are you out of your fucking mind?!"
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:  # extra used like in mental.
            msg = "You're out of your fucking mind!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, are you out of your fucking mind?!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, you're out of your fucking mind!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Are you out of your fucking mind?!"
        return msg

    def miscarried(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Uses target/name, extra and sender in non-standard ways."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "It's like someone forced {0} and {1} to fuck and {2} is what they miscarried.".format(
                target, sender, extra)
        else:
            msg = "It's like someone forced {0} and {1} to fuck and this is what they miscarried.".format(
                target, sender)
        return msg

    def mofo(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Motherfucker!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you motherfucker!".format(target)
        return msg

    def mofos(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Motherfuckers!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you motherfuckers!".format(target)
        return msg

    def money1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Show me the fucking money?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, show me the fucking money?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def money2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Where's my fucking money?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, where's my fucking money?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def nfcd(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Not fucking cool, dude."
        else:
            msg = "Not fucking cool, {0}.".format(target)
        return msg

    def nfi1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "No fucking idea!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, do you have any fucking idea?".format(target)
        return msg

    def nfi2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I've got no fucking idea!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I've got no fucking idea!".format(target)
        return msg

    def nfi3(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You've got no fucking idea!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you've clearly got no fucking idea!".format(target)
        return msg

    def nmfp1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "It's not my fucking problem."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, it's not my fucking problem.".format(target)
        return msg

    def nmfp2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "That's not my fucking problem."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, that's not my fucking problem.".format(target)
        return msg

    def nonbiz(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "That's none of your fucking business."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, that's none of your fucking business.".format(target)
        return msg

    def noreally(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you. No really, I mean it, go fuck yourselves."
        else:
            msg = "Fuck you {0}. No really, I mean it most sincerely, please go and fuck yourselves.".format(
                target)
            return msg

    def noshit(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "No shit!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, no shit!".format(target)
        return msg

    def noshitf(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "No fucking shit!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, no fucking shit!".format(target)
        return msg

    def noshitfq(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "No fucking shit?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, no fucking shit?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def noshitq(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "No shit?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, no shit?".format(target)
        return msg

    def noway(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "No fucking way!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, there's no fucking way!".format(target)
        return msg

    def nsfch(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Not a snowflake's fucking chance in Hell!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, there's not a snowflake's fucking chance in Hell!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def nsfcht(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "There's not a snowflake's fucking chance in Hell of that!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, there's not a snowflake's fucking chance in Hell of that!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def nsfh(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Not a snowflake's chance in Hell!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, there's not a snowflake's chance in Hell!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def nsfw(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Not safe for work?  Of course it's not fucking safe for work!"
        else:
            msg = "Not safe for work?  {0}, of course it's not fucking safe for work!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def nugget(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Well, aren't you a shining example of a rancid fuck-nugget."
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "Well {0}, aren't you a shining example of a rancid fuck-nugget.".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def nunnery(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off to a nunnery."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, fuck off to a nunnery.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Fuck off to a nunnery!"
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, fuck off to a nunnery!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Fuck off to a nunnery."
        return msg

    def oath1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck oath!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, fuck oath!".format(target)
        return msg

    def oath2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fucking oath!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, fucking oath!".format(target)
        return msg

    def oath3(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuckin' oath!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, fuckin' oath!".format(target)
        return msg

    def off(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off!"
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Fuck off, {0}!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off {0}!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Fuck off {0}, {1}!".format(target, extra)
        else:
            msg = "Fuck off!"
        return msg

    def omnia(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Omnia quia sunt, futūtum sunt."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, omnia quia sunt, futūtum sunt.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "All things that are, are fucked."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, all things that are, are fucked.".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Omnia quia sunt, futūtum sunt!"
        return msg

    def outside(self):
        if lt == 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?"
        elif lt == 0 and lR == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?!"
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR == 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?!".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that he can go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-himself.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that he can go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-himself!".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that she can go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-herself.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that she can go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-herself!".format(
                relay, target)
        else:
            msg = "{0}, it's time for you to go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def outsides(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourselves?"
        elif lt == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourselves?!"
        elif lt == 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell them that they can go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-themselves.".format(
                relay)
        elif lt == 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell them that they can go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-themselves!".format(
                relay)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that they can go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-themselves.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1} that they can go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-themselves!".format(
                relay, target)
        else:
            msg = "It's time for all of you to go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourselves!"
        return msg

    def pink(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Well, fuck me pink!"
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "Well, fuck me pink {0}!".format(target)
        return msg

# The functions beginning with pp are from The Profound Programmer:
# http://theprofoundprogrammer.com/post/28088574792/introducing-the-first-profound-programmer-hd

    def ppdata(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck kind of variable name is \"data\"?!  You should be incarcerated."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck kind of variable name is \"data\"?!  You should be incarcerated, {0}.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "What the fuck kind of variable name is \"{0}\"?!  You should be incarcerated.".format(
                extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "What the fuck kind of variable name is \"{0}\"?!  You should be incarcerated, {1}.".format(
                extra, target)
        return msg

# See http://theprofoundprogrammer.com/post/25728479232/text-what-the-fuck-kind-of-variable-name-is

    def ppwrote(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "There's no fucking way I wrote this.  This is awful ... what the fuck does this even do?!"
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "There's no fucking way I wrote this, {0}.  This is awful ... what the fuck does this even do?!".format(
                target)
        return msg


# See http://theprofoundprogrammer.com/post/25728609992/text-theres-no-fucking-way-i-wrote-this-this

# See also:
#  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Latin_profanity
#  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Priapeia
#  http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/priap/

    def priapus(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō degenerem pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, {0}, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō degenerem pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a degenerate, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a degenerate, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō degenerem pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda!"
        return msg

    def priapus1(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō degenerem pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, {0}, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō degenerem pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a degenerate, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a degenerate, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō degenerem pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda!"
        return msg

    def priapus2(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō deterrimum pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, {0}, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō deterrimum pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as an inferior, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as an inferior, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō deterrimum pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda!"
        return msg

    def priapus3(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō deus pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, {0}, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō deus pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a god, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a god, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō deus pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda!"
        return msg

    def priapus4(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō praefecus pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, {0}, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō praefecus pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() == "chief":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a chief, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() == "dir":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a director, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() == "gov":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a governor, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() == "help":
            msg = "Alternative translations available via setting relay flag to: chief, dir or gov for chief, director or governor. Default is president or help to print this message."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() != "chief":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() != "dir":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() != "gov":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() != "help":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() == "chief":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a chief, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() == "dir":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a director, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() == "gov":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a governor, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() == "help":
            msg = "Alternative translations available via setting relay flag to: chief, dir or gov for chief, director or governor. Default is president or help to print this message.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() != "chief":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() != "dir":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() != "gov":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0 and relay.lower() != "help":
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a president, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō praefecus pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda!"
        return msg

    def priapus5(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō diabolus pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, {0}, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō diabolus pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a devil, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a devil, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō diabolus pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda!"
        return msg

    def priapus6(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō daemonis pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, {0}, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō daemonis pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a demon, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a demon, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō daemonis pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda!"
        return msg

    def priapus7(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō homo pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, {0}, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō homo pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, as a man, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'd rather die than use obscene and improper words; but when you, {0}, as a man, appear with your testicles hanging out, it is appropriate for me to speak of cunts and cocks.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Obscēnis, peream, sī nōn ūtī mē pudet improbīsque verbīs sed cum tū positō homo pudōre ostendās mihi cōleōs patentēs cum cunnō mihi mentula est vocanda!"
        return msg

    def problem(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "What is your fucking problem?"
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "What is {0} fucking problem?".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, what is your fucking problem?".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, what is {1} fucking problem?".format(target, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, with {1}, what is their fucking problem?".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, with {1}, what is {2} fucking problem?".format(
                relay, target, extra)
        else:
            msg = "What is the fucking problem?"
        return msg

    def psycho1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, psychopath!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, psychopath!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def psycho2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, sociopath!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, sociopath!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def psycho3(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're a fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, psychopath!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're a fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, psychopath!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def psycho4(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're a fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, sociopath!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're a fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, sociopath!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def psycho5(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're a fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, psychopathic cunt!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're a fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, psychopathic cunt!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def psycho6(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're a fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, sociopathic cunt!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're a fucking megalomaniacal, malignantly narcissistic, sociopathic cunt!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def ratm(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you! I won't do what you tell me!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck you {0}! I won't do what you tell me!".format(target)
        return msg

    def roff(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You can fuck right off!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you can fuck right off!".format(target)
        return msg

    def royal(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "It's right royally fucked!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, it's right royally fucked!".format(target)
        return msg

    def royalwe(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "We're right royally fucked!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, we're right royally fucked!".format(target)
        return msg

    def rtfm(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Read the fucking manual!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, read the fucking manual!".format(target)
        return msg

    def sb1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You fucking son of a bitch!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you fucking son of a bitch!".format(target)
        return msg

    def sb2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're a fucking son of a bitch!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're a fucking son of a bitch!".format(target)
        return msg

    def script(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Is this a script?  Of course it's a fucking script!"
        else:
            msg = "Is this a script?  Yes {0}, of course it's a fucking script!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def sfa(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Sweet fuck all."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, sweet fuck all.".format(target)
        return msg

    def sfac(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "The chances of that are about three fifths of sweet fuck all."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, the chances of that are about three fifths of sweet fuck all.".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def shakespeare(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def sherlock(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "No shit, Sherlock!"
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "{0}, no shit, Sherlock!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "{0}, no shit, Sherlock!".format(target)
        return msg

    def shit(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck this shit!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, fuck your shit!".format(target)
        return msg

    def sideways(self):
        msg = "Well, fuck me sideways!"
        return msg

    def snafu(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Situation Normal: All Fucked Up!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, it's situation normal: all fucked up!".format(target)
        return msg

    def stfu(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Shut the fuck up!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, shut the fuck up!".format(target)
        return msg

    def stigmata(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck the Church!  Fuck the State!  Fuck you!  Fuck me!  Fuck all these arseholes!"
        else:
            msg = "Fuck {0}!  Fuck the Church!  Fuck the State!  Fuck you!  Fuck me!  Fuck all these arseholes!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def stolen(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I wouldn't fuck you with a stolen dick!"
        else:
            msg = "I wouldn't fuck {0} with a stolen dick!".format(target)
        return msg

    def suns(self):
        if lt == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you with the fury of a thousand suns."
        elif lt > 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, fuck you with the fury of a thousand suns.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "Fuck you with the fury of a thousand suns!"
        return msg

    def survey(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Hmm, survey says ... go fuck yourself!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, survey says ... go fuck yourself!".format(target)
        return msg

    def tard(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You complete and utter fucktard!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you are a complete and utter fucktard!".format(target)
        return msg

    def talky(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I'm not felling very talky today. Off you fuck."
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'm not felling very talky today. Off you fuck!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I'm not felling very talky today, {0}. Off you fuck.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I'm not felling very talky today, {0}. Off you fuck!".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "I'm not felling very talky today. Off you fuck!"
        return msg

    def tfwo(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I'm totally fucking weirded out by that."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're totally fucking weirding me out.".format(target)
        return msg

    def thanks(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you very much."
        else:
            msg = "Fuck you very much, {0}.".format(target)
        return msg

    def tism(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I might be a cunt, but I'm not a fucking cunt."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "I might be a cunt, {0}, but I'm not a fucking cunt.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I might be a {0}, but I'm not a fucking {1}.".format(
                extra, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "I might be a {0}, {1}, but I'm not a fucking {2}.".format(
                extra, target, extra)
        return msg

    def totgaf(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I'm too old to give a fuck."
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I'm too old to give a fuck.".format(target)
        return msg

    def trump1(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "You are as malignantly narcissistic, irrevocably misogynistic, thoroughly corrupt and utterly treasonous as Donald Trump."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, you are as malignantly narcissistic, irrevocably misogynistic, thoroughly corrupt and utterly treasonous as Donald Trump.".format(
                target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, you are as malignantly narcissistic, irrevocably misogynistic, thoroughly corrupt and utterly treasonous as Donald Trump!".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "You are as malignantly narcissistic, irrevocably misogynistic, thoroughly corrupt and utterly treasonous as Donald Trump!"
        return msg

    def tugwar(self):
        if lt == 0 and lR == 0 and ls == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "This option requires name/target, relay and sender to be set, where name and relay are people/entities, while sender is who or what is caught between them.  Extra may be used to specify certain variations."
        elif lt == 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "For fuck's sake! Will you and {0} stop using {1} as the rope in your game of tug-of-war?!".format(
                relay, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "For fuck's sake! Will {0} and {1} stop using {2} as the rope in their fucking game of tug-of-war?!".format(
                target, relay, sender)
        elif lt == 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "when":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! When will you and {0} stop using {1} as the rope in your fucking game of tug-of-war?!".format(
                relay, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "when":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! When will {0} and {1} stop using {2} as the rope in their fucking game of tug-of-war?!".format(
                target, relay, sender)
        elif lt == 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "need":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! You and {0} need to stop using {1} as the rope in your fucking game of tug-of-war! Right fucking now!".format(
                relay, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "need":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! Fucking {0} and {1} need to stop using {2} as the rope in their fucking game of tug-of-war! Right fucking now!".format(
                target, relay, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "needthe":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! The fucking {0} and {1} need to stop using {2} as the rope in their fucking game of tug-of-war! Right fucking now!".format(
                target, relay, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "needthat":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! That fucking {0} and {1} need to stop using {2} as the rope in their fucking game of tug-of-war! Right fucking now!".format(
                target, relay, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "needthose":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! Those fucking {0} and {1} need to stop using {2} as the rope in their fucking game of tug-of-war! Right fucking now!".format(
                target, relay, sender)
        elif lt == 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "fstop":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! You and fucking {0} need to fucking stop using {1} as the fucking rope in your fucking game of tug-of-fucking-war! Right fucking now!".format(
                relay, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "fstop":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! Fucking {0} and fucking {1} need to fucking stop using {2} as the fucking rope in their fucking game of tug-of-fucking-war! Right fucking now!".format(
                target, relay, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and lR > 0 and ls > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "thefstop":
            msg = "For fuck's sake! The fucking {0} and the fucking {1} need to fucking stop using {2} as the fucking rope in their fucking game of tug-of-fucking-war! Right fucking now!".format(
                target, relay, sender)
        else:
            msg = "Optional extras: when, need, needthe, needthat, needthose, fstop, thefstop."
        return msg

    # All the twog quotes are from TheTweetOfGod.
    # https://twitter.com/TheTweetOfGod

    def twog1(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Seriously, don't dis Me. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe. Show some fucking respect."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Seriously, {0}, don't dis Me. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe. Show some fucking respect.".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Seriously, don't dis Me. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe. Show some fucking respect!"
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Seriously, {0}, don't dis Me. I am the Lord thy God, King of the Universe. Show some fucking respect!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    # https://twitter.com/TheTweetOfGod/status/528773043666313216

    def tybalt(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Peace? I hate the word, as I hate Hell, all Montagues and thee!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Peace? I hate the word, as I hate Hell, all Montagues and {0}!".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Peace? I hate the word, as I hate Hell, all {0} and thee!".format(
                extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Peace? I hate the word, as I hate Hell, all {0} and {1}!".format(
                extra, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}? I hate the word, as I hate Hell, all {1} and {2}!".format(
                sender, extra, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}? I hate the word, as I hate {1}, all {2} and {3}!".format(
                sender, relay, extra, target)
        else:
            msg = "Peace? I hate the word, as I hate hell, all Montagues and thee!"
        return msg

    def ucunt(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You cunt!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you cunt!".format(target)
        return msg

    def up1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I'm gonna fuck you up!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I'm gonna fuck you up!".format(target)
        return msg

    def up2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I'm all fucked up!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I'm all fucked up!".format(target)
        return msg

    def up3(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "I'm completely fucked up!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, I'm completely fucked up!".format(target)
        return msg

    def urcunt(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're a cunt!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're a cunt!".format(target)
        return msg

    def urfcunt(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You're a fucking cunt!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you're a fucking cunt!".format(target)
        return msg

    def urso1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You are so fucked."
        else:
            msg = "You are so fucked, {0}.".format(target)
        return msg

    def urso2(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "You are so fucked, so fucking fucked!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "You are so fucked, {0}, so fucking fucked!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and extra == "yeah":
            msg = "You are so fucked, so fucking fucked! Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and extra == "yeah":
            msg = "You are so fucked, {0}, so fucking fucked! Yeah, yeah, yeah!".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "You are so fucked, {0}, so fucking fucked!".format(target)
        return msg

    def utard(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You fucktard!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you fucktard!".format(target)
        return msg

    def valley(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Yea, though I walk through the shadow of the Valley of Death I shall fear no evil ... for I am the meanest motherfucker in all the land!"
        else:
            msg = "Yea, {0}, though I walk through the shadow of the Valley of Death I shall fear no evil ... for I am the meanest motherfucker in all the land!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def vvv(self):
        msg = "Vidi, vici, veni."  # "I saw, I conquered, I came"
        return msg

    def wafwot(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What a fucking waste of time!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, that's a fucking waste of time!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wbfu(self):  # because uses exclamation marks, otherwise the same.
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Why?  Because fuck you, that's why."
        else:
            msg = "Why?  Because fuck you {0}, that's why.".format(target)
        return msg

    def we1(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "We are fucked!"
        elif lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "We're fucked!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, we are fucked!".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, we're fucked!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0} we are fucked!".format(extra)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0} we're fucked!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1}, we are fucked!".format(extra, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1}, we're fucked!".format(extra, target)
        else:
            msg = "Now ... we are fucked!"
        return msg

    def when1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "When the fuck will that happen?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, when the fuck will that happen?".format(target)
        return msg

    def when2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "When the fuck will we get there?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, when the fuck will we get there?".format(target)
        return msg

    def when3(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "When the fuck did that happen?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, when the fuck did that happen?".format(target)
        return msg

    def where1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Where the fuck are we?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, where the fuck are we?".format(target)
        return msg

    def where2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Where the fuck is it?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, where the fuck is it?".format(target)
        return msg

    def where3(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Where the fuck are you?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, where the fuck are you?".format(target)
        return msg

    def who1(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Who the fuck do they think they are?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, who the fuck do they think they are?".format(target)
        return msg

    def who2(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Who the fuck do they think you are?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, who the fuck do they think you are?".format(target)
        return msg

    def who3(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Who the fuck do you think you are?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, who the fuck do you think you are?".format(target)
        return msg

    def who4(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Who the fuck knows?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, who the fuck knows?".format(target)
        return msg

    def who5(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Who the fuck are you?"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:  # target should not be a name.
            msg = "{0}, who the fuck are you?".format(target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, who the fuck are you anyway?".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "Who the fuck are you anyway?"
        return msg

    def who6(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Who the fuck cares?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, who the fuck cares?".format(target)
        return msg

    def why(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Why the fuck should I?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, why the fuck should I?".format(target)
        return msg

    def whyk(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Why the fuck should I know?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, why the fuck should I know?".format(target)
        return msg

    def whynot(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "Why the fuck not?!"
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "Why the fuck not, {0}?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wit(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "You fuckwit!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, you fuckwit!".format(target)
        return msg

    def woftam(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "It's a waste of fucking time and money."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "{0}, it's a waste of fucking time and money.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0} is a waste of fucking time and money.".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "{0}, {1} is a waste of fucking time and money.".format(
                target, extra)
        return msg

    def wsb1(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill, tell them firmly: I am not paid to listen to this drivel, you are a terminal fool."
        elif lt == 0 and le == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill, tell them firmly: I am not paid to listen to this drivel, you are a terminal fool.".format(
                relay)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "{0}, I do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill, I tell them firmly: I am not paid to listen to this drivel, {1}, you are a terminal fool.".format(
                target, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill, tell {1} firmly: I am not paid to listen to this drivel, you are a terminal fool.".format(
                relay, target)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "I am not paid to listen to this drivel, {0}, you are a terminal fool.".format(
                target)
        else:
            msg = "I am not paid to listen to this drivel, you are a terminal fool."

    def wtaf(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the actual fuck?!"
        elif lt > 0:
            msg = "What the actual fuck {0}?!".format(target)
        else:
            msg = "What the actual fuck {0}?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtf(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, what the fuck?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtfc(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What fucking crack are you smoking?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, what fucking crack are you smoking?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtfd(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck are you doing?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, what the fuck are you doing?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtfg(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck is going on?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, what the fuck is going on?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtfgh(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck is going on here?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, what the fuck is going on here?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtfo(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck are you on?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, what the fuck are you on?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtft(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck is that?"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, what the fuck is that?".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtfta(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck are you talking about?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, what the fuck are you talking about?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtfu(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the unutterable fuck?!"
        else:
            msg = "{0}, what the unutterable fuck?!".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtfwjd(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do?"
        else:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do, {0}?".format(target)
        return msg

    def wtfwjdgtfo1(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would kick you the fuck out right now!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would kick {0} the fuck out right now!".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would kick you the fuck out of {0} right now!".format(
                extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would kick {0} the fuck out of {1} right now!".format(
                target, extra)
        else:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would kick you the fuck out of here right now!"
        return msg

    def wtfwjdgtfo2(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would get the fuck out of here!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would get {0} the fuck out of here!".format(
                target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 1:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would get the fuck out of {0}!".format(
                extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would get {0} the fuck out of {1}!".format(
                target, extra)
        else:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would get everyone the fuck out of here!"
        return msg

    def wtfwjdrtfm(self):
        if lt == 0:
            msg = "What the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would read the fucking manual!"
        else:
            msg = "So {0}, what the fuck would Jesus do? Jesus would read the fucking manual!".format(
                target)
        return msg

    def xyz(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "XYZ usage: uses cadence for fuck this [name], fuck that [extra] and fuck the other [sender]. The name is normally the first and the target, but sometimes the real target is set by relay, will oftem be similar to the you options.  The latter variation can readily be used with prepend for preceding greetings like Hey [relay] or whatever."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Fuck {0}, fuck {1} and fuck {2}!".format(
                target, extra, sender)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, fuck {1}, fuck {2} and fuck {3}!".format(
                relay, target, extra, sender)
        else:
            msg = "Invoke without options to see usage format. Must use --name, --extra and --sender. Optional use of --relay and/or --prepend."
        return msg

    def yoda(self):
        if lt == 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off, you must."
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0:
            msg = "Fuck off, you must, {0}.".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Go fuck yourself, you must."
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0:
            msg = "Go fuck yourself, you must, {0}.".format(target)
        return msg

    def you(self):  # non-standard use of relay flag.
        if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you!"
        elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you, {0}!".format(target)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you and fuck {0}!".format(extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you {0} and fuck {1}!".format(target, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you, fuck {0} and fuck {1}!".format(sender, extra)
        elif lt == 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell them: fuck you, fuck {1} and fuck {2}!".format(
                relay, sender, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and lR == 0:
            msg = "Fuck you {0}, fuck {1} and fuck {2}!".format(
                target, sender, extra)
        elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0 and lR > 0:
            msg = "{0}, tell {1}: fuck you {2}, fuck {3} and fuck {4}!".format(
                relay, target, target, sender, extra)
        return msg

fucked = fuck()
fucker = fuck()

df0 = dir(fuck)
df = []
for x in df0:
    if "__" not in x:
        df.append(x)
del (df0)
del (x)
df.remove("foad")
lc = len(df)

rf = []
for x in df:
    rf.append(x)
rf.remove("about")
rf.remove("acronym")
rf.remove("ballmer")
rf.remove("ballmerc")
rf.remove("ballmers")
rf.remove("caniuse")
rf.remove("fx0")
rf.remove("fx1")
rf.remove("fx2")
rf.remove("miscarried")
rf.remove("tugwar")
rf.remove("xyz")
lr = len(rf)

random.seed()
rc = random.choice(rf)

if __name__ == "__main__":
    if l < 2:
        print(about)
        print("")
        print("Number of defined options:  {0}".format(lc))
        print("")
    elif lV > 0:
        print("")
        print("{0}  {1}".format(__title__, __version__))
        print(__copyright__)
        print("")
        print("Number of defined options:  {0}".format(lc))
        print("")
        print("Bitcoin:  {0}".format(__bitcoin__))
        print("")
    elif l == 2 and wtf == "list_options":
        print("")
        print("{0}  {1}".format(__title__, __version__))
        print(__copyright__)
        print("")
        print("Number of defined options:  {0}".format(lc))
        print("")
        print(textwrap.fill("List of defined options:  " + ", ".join(df), 72))
        print("")
        print("Bitcoin:  {0}".format(__bitcoin__))
        print("")
    elif lO > 0:
        print("")
        print("{0}  {1}".format(__title__, __version__))
        print(__copyright__)
        print("")
        print("Number of defined options:  {0}".format(lc))
        print("")
        print(textwrap.fill("List of defined options:  " + ", ".join(df), 72))
        print("")
        print("Bitcoin:  {0}".format(__bitcoin__))
        print("")
    elif l >= 3 and wtf == "sherlock" and target.lower(
    )[0:8] == "sherlock" and lP == 0 and lA == 0:
        print("No shit, Sherlock!")
    elif l >= 3 and wtf == "sherlock" and target.lower(
    )[0:8] == "sherlock" and lP > 0 and lA == 0:
        print("{0} no shit, Sherlock!".format(prepend))
    elif l >= 3 and wtf == "sherlock" and target.lower(
    )[0:8] == "sherlock" and lP == 0 and lA > 0:
        print("No shit, Sherlock! {0}".format(append))
    elif l >= 3 and wtf == "sherlock" and target.lower(
    )[0:8] == "sherlock" and lP > 0 and lA > 0:
        print("{0} no shit, Sherlock! {1}".format(prepend, append))
    elif l >= 3 and wtf == "random" and rc == "sherlock" and target.lower(
    )[0:8] == "sherlock" and lP == 0 and lA == 0:
        print("No shit, Sherlock!")
    elif l >= 3 and wtf == "random" and rc == "sherlock" and target.lower(
    )[0:8] == "sherlock" and lP > 0 and lA == 0:
        print("{0} no shit, Sherlock!".format(prepend))
    elif l >= 3 and wtf == "random" and rc == "sherlock" and target.lower(
    )[0:8] == "sherlock" and lP == 0 and lA > 0:
        print("No shit, Sherlock! {0}".format(append))
    elif l >= 3 and wtf == "random" and rc == "sherlock" and target.lower(
    )[0:8] == "sherlock" and lP > 0 and lA > 0:
        print("{0} no shit, Sherlock! {1}".format(prepend, append))
    elif l == 2 and wtf == "unittest":
        print(about)
        print("")
        for i in range(lc):
            print("Command:  {0} -f {1} [-n {2} -e {3} -s {4}]".format(
                sa[0], df[i], "<target>", "<extra>", "<sender>"))
            try:
                exec("fucker.{0}()".format(df[i]))
            except (AttributeError, NameError):
                print("Fuck testing!")
            print("")
    elif l >= 3 and wtf == "unittest":
        if target.lower() == "atitle":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "copyright":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "website":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "adversary":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "domain":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "donations":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "bitcoin":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "author":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "contact":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "email":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "encryption":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "gpg key":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "options":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "pirate":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "twitter":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "twython tools":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "version":
            print("Command:  {0} -f about -n {1}".format(sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.about()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "carnal":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "bond":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "die":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "right":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "title":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "cunt":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "foaas":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "snag":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "snafu":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "fubar":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "lmfao":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        elif target.lower() == "figjam":
            print("Command:  {0} -f acronym -n {1}".format(
                sa[0], target.lower))
            exec("fucker.acronym()")
            print("")
        else:
            print(about)
            print("")
            for i in range(lc):
                if lt == 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
                    print("Command:  {0} -f {1}".format(sa[0], df[i]))
                    try:
                        exec("fucker.{0}()".format(df[i]))
                    except (AttributeError, NameError):
                        print("Fuck testing!")
                    print("")
                elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls == 0:
                    print("Command:  {0} -f {1} -n \"{2}\"".format(
                        sa[0], df[i], target))
                    try:
                        exec("fucker.{0}()".format(df[i]))
                    except (AttributeError, NameError):
                        print("Fuck testing!")
                    print("")
                elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls == 0:
                    print("Command:  {0} -f {1} -n \"{2}\" -e \"{3}\"".format(
                        sa[0], df[i], target, extra))
                    try:
                        exec("fucker.{0}()".format(df[i]))
                    except (AttributeError, NameError):
                        print("Fuck testing!")
                    print("")
                elif lt > 0 and le == 0 and ls > 0:
                    print("Command:  {0} -f {1} -n \"{2}\" -s \"{3}\"".format(
                        sa[0], df[i], target, sender))
                    try:
                        exec("fucker.{0}()".format(df[i]))
                    except (AttributeError, NameError):
                        print("Fuck testing!")
                    print("")
                elif lt > 0 and le > 0 and ls > 0:
                    print(
                        "Command:  {0} -f {1} -n \"{2}\" -e \"{3}\" -s \"{4}\"".
                        format(sa[0], df[i], target, extra, sender))
                    try:
                        exec("fucker.{0}()".format(df[i]))
                    except (AttributeError, NameError):
                        print("Fuck testing!")
                    print("")
    elif l >= 2 and wtf == "random":
        if lP == 0 and lA == 0:
            print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, rc)()))
        elif lP > 0 and lA == 0:
            print("{0} {1}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, rc)()))
        elif lP == 0 and lA > 0:
            print("{0} {1}".format(getattr(fucker, rc)(), append))
        elif lP > 0 and lA > 0:
            print("{0} {1} {2}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, rc)(), append))
        else:
            print("Fuck randomness!")
    elif la == 3:
        if args.fuck is not None and args.name is None:
            if lP == 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtfz))
            elif lP > 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}!".format(prepend, wtfz))
            elif lP == 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}! {1}".format(wtfz, append))
            elif lP > 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1} {2}".format(prepend,
                                               getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}! {2}".format(prepend, wtfz, append))
            else:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtfz))
        elif args.fuck is None and args.name is not None:
            if lP == 0 and lA == 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, target)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(target))
            elif lP > 0 and lA == 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, target)()))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}!".format(prepend, target))
            elif lP == 0 and lA > 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(getattr(fucker, target)(), append))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}! {1}".format(target, append))
            elif lP > 0 and lA > 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1} {2}".format(prepend,
                                               getattr(fucker, target)(),
                                               append))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}! {2}".format(prepend, target, append))
            else:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, target)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(target))
    elif la == 4:
        if args.fuck is not None and args.name is None:
            if lP == 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtfz))
            elif lP > 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}!".format(prepend, wtfz))
            elif lP == 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}! {1}".format(wtfz, append))
            elif lP > 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1} {2}".format(prepend,
                                               getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}! {2}".format(prepend, wtfz, append))
            else:
                w = []
                for i in range(la - 2):
                    w.append(str(sys.argv[i + 2]))
                wtf = " ".join(w)
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtfz))
        elif args.fuck is None and args.name is not None:
            if lP == 0 and lA == 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, target)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(target))
            elif lP > 0 and lA == 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, target)()))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}!".format(prepend, target))
            elif lP == 0 and lA > 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(getattr(fucker, target)(), append))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}! {1}".format(target, append))
            elif lP > 0 and lA > 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1} {2}".format(prepend,
                                               getattr(fucker, target)(),
                                               append))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}! {2}".format(prepend, target, append))
            else:
                t = []
                for i in range(la - 2):
                    t.append(str(sys.argv[i + 2]))
                target = " ".join(t)
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, target)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(target))

        elif args.fuck is not None and args.name is not None:
            if lP == 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtfz))
            elif lP > 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}!".format(prepend, wtfz))
            elif lP == 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}! {1}".format(wtfz, append))
            elif lP > 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1} {2}".format(prepend,
                                               getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}! {2}".format(prepend, wtfz, append))
            else:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtfz))
        else:
            pass
            # print("Fuck Perl!")
    elif la >= 5:
        if args.fuck is not None and args.name is None:
            if lP == 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtfz))
            elif lP > 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}!".format(prepend, wtfz))
            elif lP == 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}! {1}".format(wtfz, append))
            elif lP > 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1} {2}".format(prepend,
                                               getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}! {2}".format(prepend, wtfz, append))
            else:
                w = []
                for i in range(la - 2):
                    w.append(str(sys.argv[i + 2]))
                wtf = " ".join(w)
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtf))
        elif args.fuck is None and args.name is not None:
            if lP == 0 and lA == 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, target)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(target))
            elif lP > 0 and lA == 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, target)()))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}!".format(prepend, target))
            elif lP == 0 and lA > 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(getattr(fucker, target)(), append))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}! {1}".format(target, append))
            elif lP > 0 and lA > 0:
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1} {2}".format(prepend,
                                               getattr(fucker, target)(),
                                               append))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}! {2}".format(prepend, target, append))
            else:
                t = []
                for i in range(la - 2):
                    t.append(str(sys.argv[i + 2]))
                target = " ".join(t)
                if target in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, target)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(target))
        elif args.fuck is not None and args.name is not None:
            if lP == 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtfz))
            elif lP > 0 and lA == 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(prepend, getattr(fucker, wtf)()))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}!".format(prepend, wtfz))
            elif lP == 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1}".format(getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}! {1}".format(wtfz, append))
            elif lP > 0 and lA > 0:
                if wtf in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0} {1} {2}".format(prepend,
                                               getattr(fucker, wtf)(), append))
                else:
                    print("{0} Fuck {1}! {2}".format(prepend, wtfz, append))
            else:
                w = []
                for i in range(la - 2):
                    if str(sys.argv[i]).startswith("-") is False:
                        w.append(str(sys.argv[i + 2]))
                    wtfx = " ".join(w)
                if wtfx in dir(fucker):
                    print("{0}".format(getattr(fucker, wtfx)()))
                else:
                    print("Fuck {0}!".format(wtfx))